Q & A

I got tagged by Nina West (http://ninapottershands.blogspot.com) to do this Q & A, & since it's a Friday afternoon & I'm really not looking to start on next week's work yet, I'm going to play along. :) Plus, I love answering questions about myself. That's my favorite thing about meeting new people is telling them random things. So whether you know me a little or a lot, here is some more insight into my life that I'm sure you were dying to know! :) I'm supposed to tag people to do it after me but I don't have that many people to tag sadly so if you read this & wish to do it, you of course may do that. I'll answer Nina's questions that she came up with & then come up with 8 of my own. So here we go.

1. If you had a chance to change your name, would you & what would it be?
I really like my name. But if I wanted for whatever reason to change it, let's say for the witness protection program just to make it interesting, I would go with probably Caroline or Madelyn...Caroline is what I'm going to use for one of my children if God blesses me with a girl because my mom's name is Carolyn & I'd like to do a variation of that. And Madelyn is just classy & I like it.

2. What is/are your favorite books?
Oh my word. I could talk about books for hours. I could quite literally write a book about all the books that I love. Some of my favorite authors are: Nicholas Sparks, Jane Austen, & Sophie Kinsella; I'll read anything by them. Other books I love are Captivating by Stasi & John Eldredge (changed my life!), Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (& anything else by her), Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Praise Habit by David Crowder, Fireworks Over Toccoa by Jeffery Stepakoff, several by James Patterson like Sam's Letters to Jennifer, Sundays at Tiffany's... I usually find an author I like & read all of their books, or all that are the style of the one I enjoyed by that author. Mostly I read fiction (love stories, let's be honest), or books about Christian living. I could LIVE in Lifeway & just read every book in there. I just love bookstores in general & there have been SO many books that I have just loved and enjoyed; these are truly only a few.

3. If you were told you have 1 minute to pick out an outfit from your closet & not told where you were going, what would you pick & why?
Very interesting question. I would probably wear jeans because that's what I wear almost every day as a college student, whatever shirt caught my eye for the day; probably something green because that's my favorite, & some flats. And if it was around this season, my North Face jacket that I wear pretty much everywhere. And I would just hope & pray I wasn't underdressed. :) If I knew I needed to be dressed up, I have a few favorite dresses that I would choose from that I would wear anywhere. Nothing beats a comfortable, beautiful dress.

4. My sister-in-law and I have a small cake decorating business & hope to one day open a bakery, so what is your favorite dessert?
Oh goodness. Well, I have a serious passion for cupcakes. I almost completely adore cheesecake. And regular cake. And white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. And peanut butter pie. I should probably just stop there. :)

5. What has been the best vacation you have taken so far and what would be your ultimate dream vacation?
The best vacation I have taken so far would probably be a trip to New York City about 7 or 8 years ago. It was so different from anything I had seen before & even though I was younger, it was just incredible. My ULTIMATE dream vacation would have to last several months to fit in all the places I want to see. The places I want to visit most are Italy, Greece, France, England, & Ireland, so I would just need to do a whole European tour basically. But I would also love to see more of the Caribbean islands, I've been to Jamaica & it was incredible. I'd love to see more of the amazing beaches God created. I just love to travel & I really hope I get lots of opportunities for awesome trips in the future.

6. What are some of your favorite Bible verses?
"Charm is deceptive & beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
"WHATEVER happens my dear brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord." Philippians 3:1
"He has made everything beautiful in its time...they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Those are a few. I of course have a million favorite Bible verses too though, they're like my favorite books in that regard.

7. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
In five years, I will hopefully be totally done with school, graduated from college, hopefully working somewhere in some wonderful job ministering to women, & hopefully at least engaged ;)

8. I know this may be a weird question but what is your daily skin routine?
I have used Proactiv for several years, besides the fact that it has ruined many a t-shirt, washcloth, & other various articles of clothing, it has done wonders for my face. But, it's super expensive & I'm pretty sure my skin is addicted to it. If I wash with anything else, my face immediately feels awful. For this reason, after this last bit of it I'm switching to Mary Kay because my mom sells it & it'll be easy to get, & much gentler on my skin & other fabrics as well. Basically my routine just revolves around the products I'm using; besides that, I just do what the directions tell me. :)

So, there's your useless information about my life that hopefully you may have slightly enjoyed reading. Okay, now, 8 questions for anyone who wants to do this after.

1. Do you have a favorite pet that you own either now or have owned in the past?
2. What is your favorite tv show?
3. Do you have siblings? How has having siblings affected how you view others?
4. What is the Lord doing in your life recently?
5. What is your favorite food that your mother/grandmother makes or used to make?
6. What is your favorite season & why?
7. If you could switch lives with anyone just for one day, who would it be & why?
8. Who are some people that you really look up to as people you want to be like? (People in your personal life; not celebrities)

Miracles.

I want to learn how to truly believe in miracles.

I wish I could genuinely just look at a situation, without seeing all the possible ways that it could fail, & have absolute faith that something amazing could happen.

So many times we're told when we're growing up, not to get our hopes up. We're taught to expect amazing things not to happen. It'd be awesome if it happens, but be prepared for it not to. That sort of thing.

Because of that, I have grown to be way too realistic.

I look at any dream, especially mine, & critique the things you have to figure out to make it happen. But sometimes, I wish I was the type of person that could just jump into something. Heart fully involved, giving it all I have. Faith that it'll work out, & faith to try again when it doesn't.

So many times, especially at NGU where there are so many incredible stories of faith played out in real lives of individuals, you can hear stories of absolute miracles. But the problem is, it's almost as if this is just something that happened in Biblical times, or something that happens to other people. I want to learn to EXPECT & BELIEVE in miracles. Small ones & big ones. Of course, many miracles are simply referred to as blessings. But I want real miracles. I want real faith. I want real life experiences, where I end every day knowing that I could never recreate that day even if I tried. Where every moment is surely designed by God, & every breath is a blessing & part of my continuing story.

I want to live for the little moments that add up to make a life. The rainbows, the laughter, the unexpected surprises that together make a beautiful life here on earth. And I want to catch little displays of God's power in miracles, real miracles.

I don't want to take any of it for granted, or waste any chance to make my life all it can possibly be. At the end of the day, truly all that matters is God, & the people that you share life's experiences with. I want to always remember that & live it out by making those my priorities.

So, here's to believing. And here's to miracles; shooting stars, falling in love, dreaming the impossible, & LIFE.

The Male Species.

Let me start by saying...



There is NOTHING more attractive in a guy than a genuine & obvious love for the Lord. Few things are truer than that.

Here at North Greenville there are tons & tons of good guys. There are guys that open doors, guys that let girls they don't even know wear their jackets in chapel, guys that are just generally nice, good guys. And yes, those things will get you noticed, probably by a lot of girls around here. Those things are appreciated. At least they are by me. I like guys that are nice & polite when I'm working in the bookstore or who make an effort to open a door for me (a few weeks ago a guy literally kicked a door open while I was carrying food & the door was about to close). Those things get my attention. But do you know what gets my attention more than anything? Genuine, obvious love for the Lord. A few weeks ago a guy was asked to pray in one of my classes & it was absolutely incredible to me. His love & adoration for the Lord just absolutely glowed in his words. It was amazing. We need more guys like that, & I want one like that.

I want a guy who will step up to his calling as a man. Someone who is actively pursuing a closer relationship with the Lord & thinks that my growth is important too. Someone who values God's desires over his desires to achieve the typical American dream. Someone who isn't necessarily a natural leader, because everyone isn't, but who is willing to at least work towards becoming one, & fulfill his calling as a man of God, even a man after God's own heart. Wouldn't it be amazing if we had more guys like that? But unfortunately, there seems to be a shrinking number of guys like that, & more that want to take shortcuts & do it halfway.

I pray every time I think about it for the guy who God is preparing for me, & that all God's young men would step up to their calling for this generation. So many things are wrong in this world right now, & we need courageous leaders to not only build & lead strong families, but churches & nations as well. We need men of integrity, & men who have an overwhelming passion for the Lord & seeing His work fulfilled. We can't sit by complacently any longer while crucial time is wasted on video games or handed over to addictions that destroy lives & families. As women especially, we also have to step up & encourage this movement in the men around us, & support them as they hopefully stand up to embrace the lives God has for them. Because they can make a difference, & I'd be willing to place a pretty big bet that God is just waiting for them to say those words, "Here am I, send me." They, & we as well, are needed for "such a time as this". Their strength & courage is needed, but coupled with humility & gentleness. Their passion is needed, but coupled with a Godly purpose. And their love is needed, above all, for God & for those living without Him in their lives.

We need to be steadfast in praying & seeking God's will for this generation, today & every day. Because truly, greater things are yet to be done in our homes, in our cities, & in our world if we are willing to answer His call.

No matter where He leads.

People keep asking me what I'm majoring in, what I want to be.

I'm honestly wondering if I will ever find the final answer to that question.

I want to be a hundred different things.
It's hard to pin down one specific thing & first of all want to do that forever, and second of all to know for sure that that's where God will want me forever. Those both seem like difficult things to be sure of, especially at my age.

I want to be in Women's Ministries, I know that. That's where my heart is right now. I would LOVE to do conferences & write books & meet and encourage as many women as I could have access to. I love friends, what would be better than traveling around & hearing amazing stories from incredible women about their lives & being used to somehow encourage them in that? I can't really think of many things, for me at least. This is the realistic goal for me at present. But still...

I want to be an interior designer. I really doubt that this will happen for me as a job. But that doesn't stop me from looking forward with extreme fervor and enthusiasm to owning my own house & decorating it to be simply amazing. Blame my Grandmama Jones for my love of decorating.

I want to be a photographer. Again, I doubt this will happen as a job. However, I absolutely love taking pictures and no matter if I ever do it on any level as a professional, I will ALWAYS take pictures, wherever I go for myself at least. And if someone ever wants to pay me to do that, then I won't turn that down.

I want to be a writer. I love to write. I love writing this blog, I love writing papers for english like a huge nerd, I love writing letters to friends & family & even my future husband. I love writing my thoughts down about a certain day or a certain person just to get things out. I just love writing. I would love to write a book or two, or twenty. If the Lord blessed me with an opportunity to do this, I would take it in a second. And if He provided people who wanted to read what I wrote by their own free will, that would also be wonderful.

I want to be a wonderful cook. I seriously doubt that I have the natural talent to become some master chef with my own Food Network show, but I can follow a recipe pretty well. And people like to eat it. So if I could improve those skills & use them to help land an awesome husband, then I am all for it. And I'm sure that if I do become a better cook, the instinct might come, or at least that's what I'm hoping.

I want to be a singer. This is the number one thing that my mind just screams "It will never happen!" when I even dare to dream about it. But I LOVE to sing. It has always been one of my favorite things to do. If I could get paid to do this, & once again if God provided the people that would support it & want to listen, that would be incredible. I can't imagine anything better than getting paid to do what you love to do.

Above all of these labeled "jobs", I want to be remembered. I want to be a positive influence on lives. I want to be used to accomplish work for the Kingdom. I want to be a happy, loved wife, & a wonderful mother, & the most awesome aunt my nephew & niece (on the way) could ever imagine. I want to be a loyal friend, a loving & treasured sister, & of course a dependable & pride-inducing daughter. But most of all I want to be valued as HIS, to be His "good and faithful servant". I want to know that whatever direction He takes me in, I am following His will & using the blessings He gives me to bless those around me in turn. I want to generously & readily share the joy that He has placed within my heart, & I want to remember that joy as my age climbs & life's challenges bring tinges of heartache. I want to be the maker of a legacy, one that leaves a mark on my part of the world.

And then, I want to be with Him forever. And if I don't get to be a full-time singer until then when I get to spend all of my days of eternity worshipping Him, I'll take it.

(Im)perfection.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I am realizing more & more everyday my dear friends that I will never be perfect.

For a while I somehow made myself think that someday, I could figure things out. That when I graduated...when I got to college...when I get married...that everything would just be perfect.

That one day I'd wake up. And I would have perfect hair. And the perfect body image, not to mention the perfect body. And I would never say the wrong thing, or be awkward. And I would be completely independent & confident, all the time. I would somehow just have it all worked out.

I have realized I will never be that person.

Because the truth is, I mess up too often to keep track of. I handle things wrong, I say the wrong thing or I don't say anything when I should. My hair gets frizzy usually within 3 minutes of stepping outside. I will never be the thinnest girl in the room. I can't tell a good story to save my life.

And please don't misunderstand me. This isn't a "I hate myself" post like some people do. I know that the Lord has made me exactly the way I am to be used for His wonderful plan. This is more of a "I am so imperfect & yet HE still wants to use me."

Because like it says in the verse at the top, "His power is made perfect in weakness."

For those people that know me best, they know that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I organize things, a lot. I clean a ton too. I try really hard to make good grades. I straighten things that are barely messy. And lately I've been realizing that this is me trying to somehow make up for the loose ends. For the ways that I am not perfect. But I'm realizing that I don't have to try so hard. He already covered my inperfections. He covered my sin on the cross. And best of all,

HIS power is made PERFECT in MY weakness.

When I don't have the words, He does.
When I don't have the strength to stand, He does.
When I don't have what it takes to make a difference, He does.

He works through my shortcomings to show His power. To bring the glory to Himself & not to me.

When I feel like I come up short, it doesn't even matter! Because IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

No matter where the Lord plans to take me from here, what a blessing it is to know that I don't have to have the answers. I don't have to even have the abilities.

All I have to do is to be willing. And ready to follow His will.

In my imperfections, His plan is made perfect. His power is made perfect. And through growing closer to Him, I get one step closer to fulfilling this command:

Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect."

Here's the challenge today: to find perfection by leaning on Him THROUGH our imperfections!

Therapy session.

Today, I miss lots of things.

I miss my grandmama. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh. I miss her cooking!!!

I miss my little dog who's at home with my parents. I miss him jumping on me in the mornings when my mom would come let him out so I could sleep a few extra minutes. I miss seeing him run up the hill of the front yard when I call him, usually with the tune of "Heart & Soul".

Speaking of my parents, I miss them too. Even though it's only been a week since I've seen them, & they're coming next weekend as well. But I miss them anyway.

I miss my mom's hugs. And her cooking too.

I miss my dad's corny jokes. Hearing them over the phone isn't the same; you can't see him looking to see if you're laughing.

I miss my best friend Lauren from high school. I miss walking to class with her, going out on the weekends, just talking about things. I miss our inside jokes & how comfortable we are with each other. I miss how she could know what I was thinking with just one look.

I miss my brothers. Oh, how I miss my brothers. I haven't seen Alan since January I think. I've seen Jon more recently, about three weeks ago, but even a few days is too much to be apart in my opinion. I miss when we were all growing up and the most serious issues in my life were that they wouldn't leave me alone. I miss family vacations and the horrible fights we had & then eventually getting over it all & having so much fun together. I miss being younger.

I miss my dad's parents. I miss my Papa's smile. I miss him calling me "Miss South Carolina" when I walked in the door when I was younger. I miss him telling me "I guess I'll keep you." I miss his "John Henry" stories about that fish. I miss his voice, and his hugs too. I miss my Grandmama saying "Thomas" really loud because he couldn't hear, even with his hearing aid. I miss her brunswick stew; I still haven't found any that compares. I miss how she always wanted to know everything that was happening in our lives. I even miss living in Georgia where so many people we knew used to know her & I could talk about her. Here, no one knows how amazing she was. I miss my Papa's truck with the red door, the one I got my foot cut on with a chainsaw when us kids were getting turns to drive it in the pasture. I miss the cows on the farm. I miss the house on the farm, & I miss living in it. I miss the horrible wallpaper, the ugly 70's style carpet, and the feeling of home that lived there, & the amazing memories.

I miss when I knew what the day ahead was going to hold. I miss being tired of being around people, since I'm alone way too often these days. I miss being comfortable in my environment, even though that will come with time. I miss knowing everyone in my church, even though that will hopefully come in time too.

I miss my "best adult friends" Mrs. Elaine & Mrs. Lisa, who never fail to encourage me & lend a listening ear to all of my problems, or simply stories of the day.

I miss Atlanta. I miss the food (the Varsity, The Blue Willow...other wonderful places). I miss Madison, even, just a little bit. Just for familiarity's sake.

Of everything that changes in life, God is the only thing that I know will never go anywhere, and neither will His love for me.

Standing on the promises.

Don't wish it all away.

These days, life is moving pretty swiftly. Every day when I wake up in a dorm room instead of my room at home, I'm reminded. Or when I look around in general and realize time & time again that I am in fact in college now. Which is totally crazy to me. My whole life, I had this view of college students and just totally admired them. Of all the people that have been older than me my whole life, I've always looked up to college students and where they were in their lives. And now I'm there. I am one of those people, seemingly waiting for "life to start" and yet already living "the best days of your life".

Even though I'm starting to get used to everything here, and slowly breaking into a routine that's becoming more comfortable, it's still not quite right. Because I don't know yet what's ahead after that. For now, I'm good. I have my classes, I have my work schedule, I have a church to go to. But what about when college is over? It's easy to want to get through this just to know what's coming in the next phase. I've been thinking a lot about where God is going to take me as far as a career, and if my goals, which I believe He has given me the desire to achieve, are even attainable. I was telling Emily about all of this, and about my feelings of inadequacy. I have probably ten "dream jobs" that I would LOVE to be able to do for a living, but I don't feel like I'm good enough, talented enough, etc. Then she looked at me and said something that I will never forget. "You're not!" She continued to say that God doesn't look at ability, but He looks for a willing heart. These are things that I know, but I so quickly forget when I let my worries and insecurities get in the way. I am by nature a worrier. I will worry a situation to DEATH until it's resolved. (I'm working on changing that.) But what I'm realizing is

I will worry away every day of my life if I constantly think about things that are coming. I will miss what I'm living right now, today, if I can't stop wanting things tomorrow to be perfect.

Things aren't perfect in life. They never have been, and never will be. But, every day definitely has its beauty. Every single day that God creates has some sort of value in the story of my life. And when I have a bad day, I might have a wonderful time catching up with a friend. Or when I get bad news, I might be encouraged unexpectedly, and see the Lord fill that need to overflowing.

One thing that the Lord has blessed me with is an eye for detail. I notice the sunrise, and the flowers, and the breeze, and the beauty in seemingly every day things. I can typically pick out something good in most situations. Which takes work, believe me. Because I can just as easily find things to pick apart and criticize. But one time someone talked about how so many details of beauty in the world are simply God telling us He loves us. And when I get a hug from a friend, or when I see a pretty sunset, I feel it. Even when that seems to be the only good thing about a day, that's something. He won't leave you empty.

I've never ever been known for being concise (again, I'm working on it!), but mainly this is all to say, that I don't want to wish away these moments in life. Every season of life is going to have its challenges and things that we'd rather skip over. But in life, the good comes with the bad sometimes. And my goal is to truly, genuinely, ENJOY these years. Even with the challenges, and the worries of growing up and making big decisions, and really stepping out on my own for the first time. To find the wonder in every day, to use those moments to appreciate God and who He is, and to also use them to encourage others. To not only grow, and discover where God is leading me, but to enjoy it all while it's happening. To keep count of His daily blessings, and appreciate them and this life that He's given me.

In the movie Ferris Bueller's Day off, Matthew Broderick's character said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it."

How right he was. And I don't intend to spend one more day worrying about what's coming so much that I miss the beauty of today.