Drawing closer.

Sometimes I close myself off from people. It's not that they've done anything, it's not that I don't like them, even. I just don't make an effort to get to know them. I've explained to a friend before that I love close relationships, but I hate getting there. I hate the middle ground of kind of being friends and kind of not knowing each other. The awkwardness that sometimes occurs. So, I avoid things. But not just things. People. I love people, I do. But I don't always show it. Because I don't make the effort. Your actions show what's important to you. So, even though I may really admire someone, if I don't make an effort to connect to them, it shows others that it's not important to me. I don't want that to be true. Another thing that this has all made me realize is this: sometimes I do the same thing to God. It's easy in going to a Christian school and growing up as a preacher's daughter to want to act like I have it all together all the time. But I don't. I have off days. I even have off weeks sometimes. But it isn't God who goes anywhere. It's when I don't make the effort. When I spend my time in other ways, and I don't make my focus using my energy to grow closer to God, I show God that He isn't important. We have 168 hours in a week. I'm trying to be more aware of how I'm spending them. I want to invest more in the most important relationship. And I want to invest more effort and energy into building relationships with the people around me. Because I'm the only one missing out on both ends. But when I take the time to take care of that primary relationship, I'll have the motivation and love to pour into those other relationships, which is a beautiful thing. I want to be real here, I want to be honest. This is where I can share what I'm learning, and lately this is it. So no, I'm not perfect. I don't have it all together. But I know who can put it all together, and use me for His glory. And He wants good things for me, in relationship with Him and with the people He brings into my life. So if you're like me, and you find yourself either not trying with other people, or not putting all the effort you should be into your relationship with God, let's start changing that today. Let's let him make a difference through our lives today, because you know He will. What are we afraid of? Thanks for listening to my heart. I love you.