The potential of a year.

At the beginning of things, everything always feels so promising. At the beginning of a life, at the beginning of a marriage, a friendship, a year, a new job, college, whatever. It's always exciting not to know exactly what all is going to happen, and to dream about where the story is going to lead.

Right now in my story, I am entering my second year of college, and even as I type that I can't believe it. But I moved in yesterday and classes start tomorrow, and I just love that feeling of newness. I love not knowing who all I'm going to meet this year, and not knowing how my classes are going to be yet, and just not knowing what all God is going to do. It's all very exciting. I have a brand new roommate (who I love so far), and same room (some things should just be the same for comfort's sake ;) ) so this year feels like it's gonna be a great one!

As promising and as full of potential this year feels, I don't want to get caught up in little things day to day and miss out on making it a year that really stands out and counts for something. I don't want to get so focused on school and things that I miss opportunities to get involved with those around me and build relationships, because to me, that is the absolute priority in my life. After our relationship with Jesus, relationships with those around us are so important and special, and I feel like this year brings new chances to build strong ones and experience people in new ways.

It'll be interesting to look back at the end of this school year in May and see what all God has done. But for now, I can only look forward to starting classes tomorrow and getting started down whatever roads God is going to lead me down in the next few months!

To God be the glory.

We do not walk alone.

I love to read. I love it, but I'm a picky reader. I tend to only like certain types of stories, and I have a rather narrow window of what I like, in the fiction genre, anyway. My favorite type of story is one that follows either a person, or a couple, or friends, or a family over a number of years. There is something so precious about that to me, to see how the people change and how certain events effect them, and how they're still together for all those years. That's why I love my family, because they've been the constants over my short number of years. That's why my best friends are those that I have been blessed to have in my life the longest; they know me better than anyone else if only because they have been there through many years. And that's why I love love so much. I love the though of finding that one person to be with me for the rest of my years, no matter what comes. And because I enjoy those relationships in my life, I love to read about them.

At the beginning of the movie Up, it traces the story of a little boy as he meets the girl who will become his wife and it follows them through their life together, in a series of memories. There is something just so absolutely sweet about that to me. Relationships are formed over time, and the little things that happen every day make up the story of a life over the years. And it is amazing to find people to share that with you. I have been personally blessed with the ones the Lord has allowed in my life this far, and I am expectantly awaiting others who will come along and join the story.

As much as I can't wait to have someone of my own to share the story with, my spirit reminds me that I already have someone very special. Someone who has been there with me since the very beginning of my existence, and Someone who has not left, and will never leave me. He has been there for every step, every fall, every accomplishment, every heartache, and every song He has brought to my heart. And even if I never find someone who is physically there with me every day, I will not have lost out on sharing my life with someone. Because He has been there not only beside me, but many times, carrying me through to the next day. And that is so special.

I know that at times I tend to lean towards loneliness, especially when I'm away from home and my family. I know that many do. But it is a wonderful thing to have the blessed assurance that Jesus is mine. He will never leave me, and He will continue to walk with me for all of my days. I am so blessed to have Him in my life, and to experience these adventures with Him as they come. And I hope for you as well that if you don't already have Him leading the way, that you would allow Him in to share your life with you. Because only He can make it all that it is meant to be. It is a special thing to have people to be there for you, but it is a miraculous thing to walk with Jesus and see what He can do through you, and in you.

We do not walk alone, my friends.

Overcoming independence.

Many times, especially in the phase of life that I'm in, independence is constantly pushed on you.

Ready or not, it's time to do it on your own. That's the way it goes. And most of us rise to meet it and do just fine.

Even though I'm a person who has never really liked to be on their own for too long, I've adjusted quite well to life on my own. But in some areas of my life, I've become a little too independent.

So many times, I'm in this mindset of getting things done on my own. And sometimes, asking God for help becomes a thought in the back of my mind rather than my main concern.

But the truth of it is, I can't do anything on my own. I wouldn't even be able to take my next breath if He didn't allow it. So what makes me think I can handle things that come up in my life all on my own? I mean it's not like I never ask for help. I do. But many times I'm so busy checking things off on my "things to deal with" list that I don't realize how silly I'm being by trying to deal with it on my own.

Instead of letting Him lead the way, I try and take the lead and make my plans and hope that He can work through them in the way He wants. But I shouldn't expect Him to have to work from my blueprints and get the same result that He's after. If someone were to have a plan for a house and wanted it to turn out a certain way, you couldn't take them your blueprint and expect them to put work into that and still come out with what they were originally trying to accomplish. And the truth of it is, it's not about what I'm after anyways. Because as many times as I fail to remember it, my life is not about me, but rather it is about bringing glory to the one who gave it to me in every way possible.

So now comes the hard part. Stepping back and releasing my control. Letting Him take the lead, and submitting my will for His. Only by doing that can I experience the fullness of things to come through surrendering my world to His control.

I have always been a planner. I am a list maker, and I am easily focused on things that need to be accomplished. But rather than plan out all the details in a way that makes sense to me, I have to start letting Him make the plans, and then jump in to get involved in whatever ways He allows me to.

I read in a blog a few weeks ago that "We lose so much of life's adventure in the planning." And for this spirit that's been feeling more than a little restless these days, some adventure sounds great. Especially by a God who can create a life for me that is infinitely better than one I could ever imagine.

Even as I focus on relenting my stronghold on control tonight, I know that this is not the only time I will have to do so. As humans we love to control things around us, and I am sure that at some points, I will try and regain control when I don't understand the way things are going. But I know that God will lead me in the way that He wants me to go, and my main thing to focus on, rather than writing the plans, is following the plans of the Writer, Redeemer, and Savior of my soul.

Keep my heart open as You lead me, Lord.

Thoughts on being alive.

Lord, help me not to take things for granted.

Help me to always notice the beauty of the world around me because there are those who can't see it.

Help me to appreciate the sounds of birds flapping their wings to take flight, the laughter of other people, and other beautiful sounds because there are those who can't hear them.

Help me to deeply feel the love of those who offer it to me because there are those who wait for it and may never find it.

Help me to never take my life as a whole for granted. Help me to feel every moment, to live every second to its fullest potential, and to not hold back from feeling things to the fullest extent.

Help me to always realize the simple value of things I encounter daily, and usually use or view without second thought.

Help me to never take my parents or brothers for granted because there are those who have lost theirs and would give anything to have what I have.

Help me to love and appreciate my friends and enjoy every second I get to spend with them.

Help me to dream as big as I possibly can dream, and to run after them with faith that You will bring to life all that matches up with Your purposes for me.

Help me to not glide through moments, but instead to live a life of being aware of how very blessed I am.

Help me to live with a passion and neverending will to thrive, and help me to never lose a passion and hunger to see others come to know You, and find a deeper meaning in all of these details of life.

Help me to truly live, and to do this in a way that honors and glorifies You. Allow me to see Your hand and Your heart in these seemingly simply circumstances and events, and to praise You for every bit of it.

Summer so far.

I haven't written a blog in over 2 months. This is a crazy lapse of time for me since I used to update...well, a lot more than that. On some levels I've been really busy. On some levels I haven't been that busy at all, really. But regardless, I haven't been writing - not in here at least.

I am over halfway through summer, and what a lovely summer it has been. I got my first car at the beginning of May, and my family went on a wonderful vacation to Florida in May also. I also have my first summer job this year as a nanny, which I'm really enjoying. I keep a charming and hilarious little girl named Abby who is one of the most delightful six year olds I've encountered. We have lots of fun and read books I haven't read in ages and watch shows I haven't watched in years. We jump on the trampoline and "swim" through the yard back to the house. We color in coloring books and play Candy Land. It's a pretty awesome job.

I went to a concert at the beginning of the summer with my friend Brittany and we saw Matt Wertz and Ben Rector. It was awesome. And in a few weeks we're going to see Taylor Swift. Super excited about that. I also have a few more concerts in the works but I'll talk about them when they're closer. :)

We had VBS at church week before last and 10 kids got saved which was awesome. Especially since our church isn't big. Speaking of church I am missing my church in Greenville! I am super ready to get back to Greenville at the end of the summer and be back with my friends and get back to the new "normal". I am looking forward to meeting my new roommate for this year too!

I've been painting a lot recently - I did three this week! Mostly they're just quotes or bible verses with some sort of picture to go along with it but I am having so much fun with that. I know I will never be a professional artist or anything but it is so much fun to paint just for fun. My dorm room will be nice and colorful like I like it!

I'm going up to Greenville this weekend to see my wonderful best friends and I am so excited about that. It has been far too long! Besides that I'll just be working and trying to keep up with Abby this week!

July will be here soon and I can't wait to see what else the Lord brings my way in my time remaining at home! God is faithful and is blessing me in so many ways lately. I'll write soon to talk about that more.

Hope you're enjoying your summer too, friend! Don't forget to deliberately notice all the blessings God has given us in this beautiful season! He is good, indeed!

Drawing closer.

Sometimes I close myself off from people. It's not that they've done anything, it's not that I don't like them, even. I just don't make an effort to get to know them. I've explained to a friend before that I love close relationships, but I hate getting there. I hate the middle ground of kind of being friends and kind of not knowing each other. The awkwardness that sometimes occurs. So, I avoid things. But not just things. People. I love people, I do. But I don't always show it. Because I don't make the effort. Your actions show what's important to you. So, even though I may really admire someone, if I don't make an effort to connect to them, it shows others that it's not important to me. I don't want that to be true. Another thing that this has all made me realize is this: sometimes I do the same thing to God. It's easy in going to a Christian school and growing up as a preacher's daughter to want to act like I have it all together all the time. But I don't. I have off days. I even have off weeks sometimes. But it isn't God who goes anywhere. It's when I don't make the effort. When I spend my time in other ways, and I don't make my focus using my energy to grow closer to God, I show God that He isn't important. We have 168 hours in a week. I'm trying to be more aware of how I'm spending them. I want to invest more in the most important relationship. And I want to invest more effort and energy into building relationships with the people around me. Because I'm the only one missing out on both ends. But when I take the time to take care of that primary relationship, I'll have the motivation and love to pour into those other relationships, which is a beautiful thing. I want to be real here, I want to be honest. This is where I can share what I'm learning, and lately this is it. So no, I'm not perfect. I don't have it all together. But I know who can put it all together, and use me for His glory. And He wants good things for me, in relationship with Him and with the people He brings into my life. So if you're like me, and you find yourself either not trying with other people, or not putting all the effort you should be into your relationship with God, let's start changing that today. Let's let him make a difference through our lives today, because you know He will. What are we afraid of? Thanks for listening to my heart. I love you.

A generation waiting for Prince Charming.

I read way too many books in general. But in particular, I like to read stories about love. I like to watch movies about love. I like to listen to music about love. Are you seeing a theme here? Thankfully, I know the Source of all love, & I am grateful to have a relationship with Him. But, I am still waiting on that other relationship. The one I've been dreaming about since I was 6, and when my dad would use his handy skills as an ordained pastor to perform marriage ceremonies between me and a stuffed bear that was almost as big as me. And I wore a wedding dress. It's something I've waited for for...my whole life. And something I'm still waiting for. But I'm starting to see how that can kind of hinder me from actually finding it. Let me explain why. In this period of waiting, I've seen way too many stories about love. My expectations are high. And way too many movies where they don't deal with love realistically. They take people that are completely and totally wrong for each other but oh, it's already been 2 hours and it's the end of the movie, so forget about how they fight all the time and have nothing in common, they're going to live happily ever after, yay! Um, what? Real life doesn't work that way. And just like they take that side of it sometimes, they also definitely love the Prince Charming side. The story where you are with someone who is mean and doesn't appreciate you and then voila! The boy that you have known for your whole life is suddenly revealed as the absolutely perfect person that you've waited for your entire life. But things aren't perfect my friends. Not in this world. Sin entered, and we are all flawed. So what does that mean for us? We have to let go of our expectations that someone will come in and meet all of our needs. Because it isn't possible. We have to look to Jesus, and only Jesus, to do that. Only He can "complete" us, as we sometimes expect a significant other to do. Also, we have to be cautious in how we look at who I like to refer to as "potentials". We have to be able to look at them and accept them for shortcomings, because whether we like to admit it or not, we're not perfect either. Sometimes we might want to dismiss someone very quickly because of sheer pickiness. We have to stand our guard against that, and value what matters. If we are looking for someone who loves God, is committed to Christ and to building a relationship with you that will honor God, and is committed to spending their lives serving Jesus. If these things are in line, we have to be negotiable on the others. The only expectations that I can count on Jesus to completely fulfill is that He will send me someone who will help me grow, not who will be able to meet all of my crazy expectations. And besides, like I talked about in "Challenges" a few days ago, without imperfections we wouldn't be able to grow! If we were able to have it all together, we wouldn't have to trust God to put it together in His way. Another blessing in disguise, even when it may be hard to see. If we have already found a relationship with Jesus, we already have perfection. He will never let us down, and we can count on that. And whatever relationship that the Lord leads us into, we can trust that whatever may pop up in our differences will be used to help us grow, both in relationship with each other in a marriage relationship, and with Jesus. And that's a beautiful thing. So stop looking for perfect, and start looking for someone who you can grow with, and serve God with. God will work through all the other details, and we can count on that. Because He's got the perfect thing down, and even though it might not match what we've dreamed about in our heads, it's going to fit into our story better than anything we could imagine. :)