Drawing closer.

Sometimes I close myself off from people. It's not that they've done anything, it's not that I don't like them, even. I just don't make an effort to get to know them. I've explained to a friend before that I love close relationships, but I hate getting there. I hate the middle ground of kind of being friends and kind of not knowing each other. The awkwardness that sometimes occurs. So, I avoid things. But not just things. People. I love people, I do. But I don't always show it. Because I don't make the effort. Your actions show what's important to you. So, even though I may really admire someone, if I don't make an effort to connect to them, it shows others that it's not important to me. I don't want that to be true. Another thing that this has all made me realize is this: sometimes I do the same thing to God. It's easy in going to a Christian school and growing up as a preacher's daughter to want to act like I have it all together all the time. But I don't. I have off days. I even have off weeks sometimes. But it isn't God who goes anywhere. It's when I don't make the effort. When I spend my time in other ways, and I don't make my focus using my energy to grow closer to God, I show God that He isn't important. We have 168 hours in a week. I'm trying to be more aware of how I'm spending them. I want to invest more in the most important relationship. And I want to invest more effort and energy into building relationships with the people around me. Because I'm the only one missing out on both ends. But when I take the time to take care of that primary relationship, I'll have the motivation and love to pour into those other relationships, which is a beautiful thing. I want to be real here, I want to be honest. This is where I can share what I'm learning, and lately this is it. So no, I'm not perfect. I don't have it all together. But I know who can put it all together, and use me for His glory. And He wants good things for me, in relationship with Him and with the people He brings into my life. So if you're like me, and you find yourself either not trying with other people, or not putting all the effort you should be into your relationship with God, let's start changing that today. Let's let him make a difference through our lives today, because you know He will. What are we afraid of? Thanks for listening to my heart. I love you.

A generation waiting for Prince Charming.

I read way too many books in general. But in particular, I like to read stories about love. I like to watch movies about love. I like to listen to music about love. Are you seeing a theme here? Thankfully, I know the Source of all love, & I am grateful to have a relationship with Him. But, I am still waiting on that other relationship. The one I've been dreaming about since I was 6, and when my dad would use his handy skills as an ordained pastor to perform marriage ceremonies between me and a stuffed bear that was almost as big as me. And I wore a wedding dress. It's something I've waited for for...my whole life. And something I'm still waiting for. But I'm starting to see how that can kind of hinder me from actually finding it. Let me explain why. In this period of waiting, I've seen way too many stories about love. My expectations are high. And way too many movies where they don't deal with love realistically. They take people that are completely and totally wrong for each other but oh, it's already been 2 hours and it's the end of the movie, so forget about how they fight all the time and have nothing in common, they're going to live happily ever after, yay! Um, what? Real life doesn't work that way. And just like they take that side of it sometimes, they also definitely love the Prince Charming side. The story where you are with someone who is mean and doesn't appreciate you and then voila! The boy that you have known for your whole life is suddenly revealed as the absolutely perfect person that you've waited for your entire life. But things aren't perfect my friends. Not in this world. Sin entered, and we are all flawed. So what does that mean for us? We have to let go of our expectations that someone will come in and meet all of our needs. Because it isn't possible. We have to look to Jesus, and only Jesus, to do that. Only He can "complete" us, as we sometimes expect a significant other to do. Also, we have to be cautious in how we look at who I like to refer to as "potentials". We have to be able to look at them and accept them for shortcomings, because whether we like to admit it or not, we're not perfect either. Sometimes we might want to dismiss someone very quickly because of sheer pickiness. We have to stand our guard against that, and value what matters. If we are looking for someone who loves God, is committed to Christ and to building a relationship with you that will honor God, and is committed to spending their lives serving Jesus. If these things are in line, we have to be negotiable on the others. The only expectations that I can count on Jesus to completely fulfill is that He will send me someone who will help me grow, not who will be able to meet all of my crazy expectations. And besides, like I talked about in "Challenges" a few days ago, without imperfections we wouldn't be able to grow! If we were able to have it all together, we wouldn't have to trust God to put it together in His way. Another blessing in disguise, even when it may be hard to see. If we have already found a relationship with Jesus, we already have perfection. He will never let us down, and we can count on that. And whatever relationship that the Lord leads us into, we can trust that whatever may pop up in our differences will be used to help us grow, both in relationship with each other in a marriage relationship, and with Jesus. And that's a beautiful thing. So stop looking for perfect, and start looking for someone who you can grow with, and serve God with. God will work through all the other details, and we can count on that. Because He's got the perfect thing down, and even though it might not match what we've dreamed about in our heads, it's going to fit into our story better than anything we could imagine. :)