Here's to the Future.

Some exciting news...da da da daaah! I got into college last week. Last friday, actually, & I have a great scholarship opportunity (Pray that that comes through, by the way). I'm totally not having any doubts about this school because I'm totally excited to go there & especially to live close to my best friend again, that is definitely such a plus, but I'm getting old & college makes me think about it. I've been thinking a lot, as I enter my last four months of high school, have I done all I could do? Have I been the witness I could have been to all these people that I'm with every day? Have I shown God's love in everything I say? Have I been all I could be? & the answer, unfortunately, to all these questions, is no. Have I done absolutely everything I could do? No. I could say I had but that wouldn't be honest. But the wonderful thing is that I'm still learning, & I still have four full months to do all that I can, & God is a God of second chances, & third, & fourth... What I love about God is that He never stops teaching us things, & showing us ways we can improve if we ask Him to. Which is a scary thought, because He usually shows us more than we want to see! But He only does it so we can change & become more like Him.
As I start looking towards college as it starts speeding up on its way to meet me in the middle, I'm thinking a ton about the future. Tomorrow our senior quotes are due. I've pretty much decided on one. It says "When we are full of hope, it's not because everything in the future is promised to us, but because the future itself is filled with promise." I have such excitement thinking about all that God has in store for my life. All the people I'm going to meet, all the things I can accomplish for Him, & hopefully all the lives I can make a difference in. I'm just so ready for May 28th so I can get out there & get started. I'm just feeling so blessed to have the opportunities God has given me right now that He's already shown, & so excited with anticipation for what's to come. This week for the first time all senior year long, I've felt drastically less stressed. This is due to a variety of reasons, one being that I turned in one of my largest papers Tuesday that is no longer hanging over my head, & now that I'm into my college I don't have to worry about choosing anymore. But also, I'm just so ready to get everything else finished, I'm finally just trying to get it done so I can move on. Most people at this point are wanting to stop working, which of course I do too, I won't lie, but I want to finish strong too. I truly believe that only God could have put these desires in my heart. This year has been THAT hard! But He's taught me so much & as hard as these past two years have been, I feel prepared for what's to come, & not just academically. These past two years have given me the basis to go do well in college & then go do well with whatever else He has on my life to-do list. Can't wait to start marking things off that don't end with School or University. But we'll take that as it comes.
I went tonight after aerobics class at church & visited my grandparent's graves. I hadn't been to the graves since Papa's funeral which was 4 years ago. I've never felt so close to them since they've been gone which was really special. But I was just thinking about their legacy that they left. I wish that everyone I talk to about them could understand how amazing they were. I was only twelve when Grandmama died, so honestly, sometimes I didn't. But after Grandmama (Jones) died & we lived with Papa for two years, I got to know him so well which was such a blessing to have that time. I'm just so grateful for the ways that they lived. All three of my grandparents loved Jesus so much & lived it. After losing Grandmama (Johnson) especially this year, it's been so weird to not be able to just call her. With the situation with her though, she had gone down and down for a while & I was already kind of used to not talking to her all the time, so sometimes I feel like she's still around & I should go see her. It feels like we're still stuck in that gradual decline that seemed to go on forever. But I'm just glad for their legacies that they all three left, & the memories. I definitely feel a pang whenever my friends talk about their grandparents or what their grandparents are getting them for graduation or whatever, but honestly, I'm so lucky & blessed to just have had the chance to know my own. Even if the time was fleeting, I learned so much from all three of them. There's no way possible to share what they were, but I know that it was Jesus that made the difference. Overall, I just miss them. But the amazing thing is knowing that I'll see them again. Isn't that awesome? I just hope and pray that when I die people will say the same things about me. I want a legacy that lasts long after I'm gone, & not just for people to miss me, but to know what a different Jesus made in my life. Without Him, I'm just Jessica. But with Him, "I can do all things..."
Enough ranting, tonight was a weird little mix of thoughts, forgive my scatterbrainness...I know that's not a word, not in that form anyway. Can't wait for this weekend to finally get a little break. I'm so excited to do some reading & even more excited to do some going out with my friends!
Life is good, & God is good. I'm so thankful for every step of this journey.

Scatter.

Today my dad, who is an excellent preacher in case you were wondering, preached a wonderful sermon about the church. Not the church as a building, although he did talk about how many people think of it that way, as just the building where you meet. But he talked about how we as Christians make up the church ourselves. In the same way that God called us to gather together regularly, he also called us to scatter. In Acts 8, after Stephen was stoned to death, the people of the church in Jerusalem scattered. The Bible says that they preached Christ wherever they went. That's what we're called to do. We, as the church, are not limited to having church in a certain building. Church is the body of Christ, which we as Christians make up. Therefore we should minister to others & preach the Word of God WHEREVER we go. We can't depend on the preachers & evangelists to do all the work. So this week, embody the church. Preach Jesus wherever you go so that others may recieve the gift you have already. & don't just preach with words, but with your life. If you say that you're a Christian & aren't living it all the time, & I'm as guilty as the next one, you're not doing what you're called to do. Some people could be led astray if you're not striving to follow Christ in every aspect of your life, especially the parts that other people see, people that are searching. Live it out, protect your witness, & reach others for Christ. God's already given the warning that time is limited, we have to use what we've got.

Acts 8:
4Those who had been scattered preached the word wherever they went. 5Philip went down to a city in Samaria and proclaimed the Christ there. 6When the crowds heard Philip and saw the miraculous signs he did, they all paid close attention to what he said. 7With shrieks, evil[n] spirits came out of many, and many paralytics and cripples were healed. 8So there was great joy in that city.

Teenage girls.

Thankfully I'm in my last few months of that horrible institution they call high school. & looking back on the last few years, I've been doing a lot of thinking about things I've noticed. Especially this year. I'm not normally one to have many close girl friends but this year we've developed our own little group of girls that have gotten pretty close. So I've had many more girls to study. The underclassmen especially give me plenty to notice, & even though with some people you can't really expect them to grasp things unless they learn it for themselves, life lessons anyway, I started thinking about what I wish they could learn. Things that would save them a ton of drama, heartache, & pain. So I thought I'd write about it. These are all ideas that have worked in my life, & saved me from tons of the above possible consequences. Maybe they'll help someone, maybe not. But I may as well put them out there.

1. Don't chase boys. This is the number one thing that has saved me. I haven't had a boyfriend through all four years of high school. Many people would think this was because I couldn't get anyone. However, it's been a choice. I've been "liked", I've been on dates, I've even liked some guys myself. But all in all, in high school it wasn't something I wanted to do. I personally have very high standards for guys that I want to date. & in middle school around 8th grade, after a few two to three week "relationships" (I use that term for lack of a better word), I decided I didn't want to date anyone I wouldn't want to marry. I didn't want to waste my time or theirs. & also a huge deciding factor in that decision was the fact that I want to marry a Christian godly guy, who also possesses all the qualities I would like, which I have not found at my school. The beautiful thing though is I'm not worried. I know that God will bring me to him, & him to me, when the timing is right. & some girls say this but then continue looking & try to make it happen themselves. The fact is, you can't make it happen. You can find someone & try to make them what you want them to be but it won't be as great as it will be if you let God do it. This means that you have to wait it out. The wonderful part about that is that there are so many things to do while you're waiting! I've used this time to learn more about myself. I haven't been worried about being who someone else wanted me to be & I've been able to really get to know myself & look even further into what I want for the future & take those desires to God. Also, many girls that get boyfriends in high school get super serious super fast & let it kind of take over. I've lost a couple friends who got boyfriends & were so caught up for the entirety of the length of the relationship, which in all cases has ended eventually, that we lost touch completely in the process. On the other end, I've been able to invest myself completely into great friendships since I haven't had that to steal my attention. The way I see it, when I get married I'll be with that person forever basically. So why not use the time I have single to build friendships & have fun while I can? Clean fun, that is. Since that went down that route, that brings me to my next point.

2. Don't give in to the pressures of partying. Most high schoolers give the impression that there's no fun to be had unless you're completely wasted. Some people would probably even say that because I haven't done it, I can't possibly imagine how much fun it is. I'm sorry, but no. I don't, & haven't ever, seen the appeal of not being in control of yourself. Of putting things in your body that aren't only illegal, not only totally not good for you, but things that mess up your judgment, make you do things you wouldn't do otherwise, & most of all how can you possibly have fun when you won't even remember it the next day? Where the logic is in that? I'm not sure because I can't find it. The Christian life is the best life there is. God created so many things in this world purely for our enjoyment & pleasure. There are so many ways to have fun that do not require putting things in your body that have the potential to hurt you, not to mention get you in trouble. If you have good friends there is no limit to the fun you can have, WITHOUT anything like drugs or alcohol! I've had no shortage of a social life, or fun just because I don't party. & I've never had a night in all of my teenage years that I've regretted. How many people can say that? I've talked to people that I know that are frequent partiers just to try to understand why they do it. One response I got was that it was an escape. That his life was so bad that it was an escape for him for a while so he could have some fun. The truth is, whatever you're going through, even if you can't handle it, God can. He can be that escape that you need. He's the calm in the storm, for goodness sakes He's the one that made the ocean that makes the storm! If anyone can be your escape, He can. He can take whatever you throw at Him. One of my favorites quotes about God is that He has never ever been surprised. There hasn't been an event ever in history that made God say oh my goodness, really? How did that happen? He created the earth & everything in it, He knows all of us & our hearts & our secrets. He made us, & He loves us. He wants to help us get through the hard times. You don't need drugs & alcohol to help with that, because it's a God sized void that won't be filled. So just do the easy thing. Turn to God, surrender it all to Him, & then if you want to have fun, go bowling.

3. Choose good friends. One of the biggest challenges in not just high school but life, can be finding good friends. Friends that are actually friends. Sometimes this is hard to do. But as they say, if you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas. Having good friends is one of the best ways to get through it. Surrounding yourself with positive people who love Jesus are going to lift you up as well. If you're worried about being friends with the popular people, you're not looking for the right friends. I don't want to make people think that you can't be friends with certain people, because you can, & should, love everyone, flaws included. The main point however is to make your closest friends those that are making good decisions. That's the easiest way to stay out of trouble, & avoid drama. Of course since this is directed primarily at girls, girls have drama. Doesn't really matter who your friends are, unless you're really lucky like me & my best friend who have seriously never had an argument (or really disagreed on anything, amazingly), you're going to have little fights & drama. But if you have good friends, you can resolve it in a productive way & remain friends. Also if you're a Christian, the people that you're surrounding yourself with not only need to be Christians to benefit you, but those that are watching you. If people know you're saved, those that are searching will be watching you, & if you're going out with the partiers, or speaking in a way that doesn't glorify God, these people could be hurt spiritually by your actions, even if you didn't think it would bother anyone but you. As Christians, we're examples to the world & we need to always remember this in our decisions. So choose good friends who will not only encourage you, but help you live a life that will encourage others & lead them to Jesus.

4. Don't be afraid to be an individual. High school is a time when many people are trying to find themselves. In many cases, people that come in to high school as freshmen leave as completely different people when they're seniors. People are all growing up & changing. The pressure in this is to fit in. To find a group that will accept you. & many people compromise who they are to fit this mold of who they think they have to be to have friends. This isn't realistic though. Real friends will accept you as you are & love you for it. If you have to change to make a friend, they're not really your friend. Be yourself. Be honest with yourself & others about who that is & embrace it. You don't want to live your life as someone else. God created us all to be individuals, & gave us specific gifts that no one else has. Love yourself & who He made you, & live as the person He created you to be!


These of course are all directed at Christians. & if you're not a Christian, I wish you'd rethink that. But these have definitely helped me, & I hope they can help someone else. God only wants the best for us, so that's what we need to strive for! Love you, whoever you are. & so does Jesus!

School. & oldness.

Today, I'm just tired. It wasn't so bad earlier on the tiredness level but it's starting to catch up with me. On the good side, today was pretty decent at school & I got a lot done. I'm just so ready to go to college & not spend 7 hours at school every day. I'm very thankful though for the wonderful encouraging friends that I have. Without Jesus & good friends, I don't think I could make it through. But the amazing thing is that we almost have. Through high school at least. Which blows my mind every time I think about it. I remember junior year hearing seniors in sunday school talking about all that I'm going through now & saying I'm so glad I have time before I have to do that. & now I'm right in the middle of it. Thankfully inching towards the other end, but still dealing with all of it. But I'm definitely ready for a change of scenery, making new friends, & independence. I just feel like when high school is over, wonderful things are coming. Can't. Wait.

On a subject other than school, because that seems to be all I think/write/talk about lately, the warm weather is coming back! I'm a person that doesn't like to be hot. But this year, I'm so excited for the warmer weather. So glad I live in Georgia. Bring it on, Spring. I can't wait for this summer. Mostly just for the pure satisfaction of knowing that I made it through school, but just for everything fun that's going to happen. Not quite sure what all this entails, but I'm sure it'll be great. I'm going to make it great. There goes that positivity again. I promise, it works.
Since MLK day gave us a short week this week, which makes me so thankful for that man for getting us a day out each year & not only for his more important achievements, it's already gloriously Wednesday night. Which means sleeping in an extra hour in the morning, & 2 more days of school before a weekend. Wednesday night always makes me feel like I've already made it through the week. Even know in my brain I know that I still have two days, it's like my brain is really happy that I've hit 3/5. It's like now that the days left are less than the days accomplished, I already feel like I've made it. It's great. & I can't wait for aerobics tomorrow night. I could do aerobics every single day of my life. It's so much better than running or walking, which I like to do those things alright as long as I have either friends or music, but aerobics is just so much more fun. It's great, I promise you.

My oldest brother is turning 24 tomorrow. The same brother who has a child & has been married for almost 2 years. This makes me feel very old. Especially every time I remember that I'm an aunt, But that's not what really bothers me, since people much younger than me have been aunts & uncles. But I just can't believe that me & my brothers are so old. Jon's 20 now & almost halfway through college, I'm about to start, & Alan's married with a kid. Crazy stuff. Life in the past few years had started to speed up, but lately it's like you wake up & then before you know it you're waking up again. Great reason to live every day to the fullest.

These are my thoughts for the day. Homework to do, naturally. Love.

Positivity is key.

Today was definitely interesting. I woke up today, & knew that I had things coming that were going to be probably quite challenging. But I decided I was going to have a good day. And guess what? I did. Which is pretty amazing considering I was totally unprepared for a spanish presentation & had some other things coming that I wasn't sure about. But really, it was good. If you sit & complain & feel sorry for yourself nothing ever gets better. But if you take charge of what's in front of you & do with it either what you have to do or just what you're able to do, things are way better. God's definitely teaching me that. Lately I've been so stressed out & focused on everything going horribly wrong & everything that's completely burying me under the pressure of it all, that I've been totally missing the things that are actually good. Which is sad. I want to just grow to be positive daily. To have an attitude that isn't shaken by what comes up. Which is basically only possible with Jesus, but that's totally cool because He of all people has definitely got my back. I'm just so excited to be in this season of life where I can truly work on improving myself. Improving my relationship with God, my relationships with friends & family, little things about myself that I've wished to fix for years that have just never happened. The beautiful thing is that I'm only 18 & I've just started learning. I've got so much room for improvement which is so exciting to me. At this point, about to start college soon & really get into real life, the possibilities are endless. Which at times is definitely completely overwhelming & scary but most of the time is so wonderful to know. I'm just so ready to get out of the day to day same-old, same-old life of being a teenager. School, homework, sleep, repeat. Not exciting. & most people would say that everything after isn't that great but how can we really not be excited about life when we have the Maker of everything wonderful writing our life story for us? I'm personally very excited. I can't wait to see what comes next & where He leads me. I went to the WinterJam concert the other night & signed up for bible verses to be sent to my phone every day & the one that came today was really great.

"You need to be patient, in order to do the will of God and recieve what He promises." Hebrews 10:36

Now, the patience is the scary part there, especially for a person who is so accustomed to the immediate response technology driven world. But if we master that, we can do the will of God, & who wouldn't want to do the will of God? The God who created us & has our best interests at heart, always. & the God who will give us not only eternal life but the best life available if we do as He asks. I don't know who would turn that down. I can't wait to recieve what He promises. In the meantime, I have plenty to work on.

First blog.

So, I used to have a blog a few years ago where I would go & complain about school & things that happened throughout my day & whatever else came into my mind. But I've decided to start this one because I'm in my senior year of high school, halfway through actually, & having to try really hard to keep up with myself. So this will help me keep track. Plus I love writing about things & getting everything out. Also this will be a wonderful way to keep track of what God is doing & a way for me to share with whoever wishes to hear. I pray this will not only be a release for me but a blessing for others. That would be great. Even if no one reads this, it'll still help me keep my sanity which is nice. Really nice. So I'll write in it just because I can. So I'll get to writing, & you, whoever you are, get to reading. Homework to finish.