Aurora.

Sometimes you just need to sit in it. You need to read the names of the victims and see their pictures and read too many details about what happened.

You need to live it through in your own small way, just to catch a glimpse of it.

On days like this where the lives of people were taken for no reason, we can either ignore it because it wasn't anyone we know, or we can acknowledge that just because it wasn't us or someone we know, it was still people that we are connected to. The people that died early this morning in Denver were people that many of us actually would be connected with through friends of friends of friends. Children, young people figuring out life the same way we are, and people who maybe were a little further along in life. Whether we knew them or not, that doesn't make it any less significant.

I was working all day today and although I saw on my phone that something had happened, I didn't know any details of what exactly went on. And so when I got home and saw the news and saw the video and saw his picture...it hit me.

It hit me like it was someone that I know. Like they were people that I care about. Because they are people. And people are precious to the God who made each one of us.

The God who knows more details about each individual than the nightly news could ever provide.

And the God who created them hates the sin that is in this world that caused this to happen.

Life is just so sad sometimes. It doesn't make sense and it hurts and it is just plain scary. They were going to the movies. Up to this point, I have never thought twice about doing that same thing. But now? Going to the movies will feel different. Because evil doesn't have boundaries. Evil does not stop at the doors of a place that is meant for recreation and save its deeds for a scene of war. Evil does not draw a line of what cannot be touched before it enters a school or a church or a family's home. Evil permeates this world.

Things like this have happened before, and inevitably will happen again. What matters is what we do with it. What matters is that we spend a little time remembering the people who were lost, and grieving for that loss. Even though we didn't lose that person necessarily, we all have lost some peace. Because it could have been us just as easily. We need to recognize that and consider it. We need to let the stories that come out touch us, because they should. These were real people, real friends and sons and daughters and brothers and sisters that were lost.

More than that, this should be a reminder that this world is not the home that was intended for us. And on days like this, I find myself thinking more certainly, "Jesus, come quickly."

Lately.

Here's what I have been up to lately.

Monday and Tuesday I helped my aunt Helen paint her kitchen, change out the hardware on the cabinets and hang some pictures. This was all great, except for when I was standing on the counter painting above the kitchen window and holding the paint tray and talking about how I was accident-prone and I looked down and paint was spilling all over the step-stool and floor and counter. Yeah. That happened.

Luckily, I have an awesome aunt who not only did not get upset, but laughed. So we just laughed about it and I frantically started cleaning and apologizing and giving the step-stool a shower. And my cousin walked by the bathroom and saw me drying off the stool after I had rinsed and scrubbed it like a crazy person. And we just busted out laughing. It was just an exciting little episode.

But we got a lot done while I was there with them and we went to a great Mexican restaurant as well as a not-as-great Chinese buffet where the waiters were so eager to take away used plates that they were basically staring at you the entire meal, and we got to hear the song Unbreak My Heart not once, but twice. And I tried to tell my aunt, uncle, and cousin about the television shows I had watched the night before, but all that did was reinforce my belief that I am a horrible story teller. If I'm not writing it out, it is complete rubbish. Yes, rubbish. Which leads me to what I did last week, which was watch a lot of movies with British speaking people, such as all the Harry Potter movies and an adaptation of Northanger Abbey which was wonderful.

My dad's birthday was yesterday, so last night we had a nice seafood dinner at home complete with crab cakes, fish, scallops, and shrimp. Also, that Hershey pie that they sell at the grocery store which is divine. But enough about food.

I've been buying things for going back to school, as well as gathering things to take and hopefully sell tomorrow to give me more money to buy new things. I'm such a hoarder when it comes to clothes, and I typically hang on to clothes that I really actually hate, and I tell myself that surely I might wear it someday. And then I don't. So, now is the time to get rid of those clothes tomorrow and I am very excited. Also today I found a beautiful Vera Bradley bag on sale for less than half price so you better believe I snatched that thing up, and I am selling an old one tomorrow to balance out.

My dog is as cute as ever, and as excited as I am about getting back to college, I am not looking forward to leaving him. Even if he is at times way too loud and even though he steals little things and hides under chairs in the dining room to destroy them, I still completely adore him. Everything he does is cute. I am in love. You can tell because I have 200 pictures of him on my phone. But I am really trying to soak up every minute with him before I leave.

Life is pretty relaxed right now, for a few more weeks. I finish up my two online classes next week, and then I have 2 weeks before school starts during which I will be visiting family, packing like crazy, going to a Kelly Clarkson concert, and holding Asher as much as possible. But I am SO excited to get back to college & see my long lost bff's. It's gonna be great.

Enough for now! Seinfeld is on. Gotta prioritize.

2 AM reflections.

It's just shy of 2 AM. And while my ocean sounds are playing loud and clear on my clock radio, I am not asleep. So why not write about it. Not sure what "it" is, but we'll see what comes out.

It is now July 12th which means that I am a month and a day away from moving back to college. And who would have ever dreamed with how last semester was that I would ever be this excited to get back. But I definitely am. I miss my friends. I miss my cozy room. I miss doing laundry on Saturday mornings and watching The Nanny. I even miss the bookstore and the occasional cute boys that come in and are nice to me. They're one of my favorite parts.

But for now, for another month at least, I'm here at home. With completely unreliable work, and soon to be 12 extra credit hours under my belt thanks to my online classes. So it hasn't been a completely wasted summer. Definitely hasn't changed my life, but it's been somewhat productive. Not job-wise. But I'm almost caught up through season 2 of How I Met Your Mother, so I'm going to just pretend that that's an accomplishment I can be proud of.

I'm really ready to have a year that's "my year". One where things turn around and maybe start getting better. I want to find new friends that I adore and I want to find some handsome guy that maybe likes me a little bit, and Lord knows I am desperately hoping to make some money. And because I just read that last sentence, just because I want new friends does not mean that I don't like the ones I have now. I adore them. I would just like a few more to add to the mix. And definitely more of the male variety. We need more of those in our group. Preferably single ones, just saying. We've had enough of the bff's boyfriend type to last me for a while, thanks. Help me out here, Lord.

Until the new semester begins, (which should probably be called the Wondrous Fall or something like that to show it that I really have faith that it will be good) I'm just going to try not to lose my mind. And I'm going to squeeze in as much family time as possible, because so far those days where we get to do things have been my favorite days.

I feel like college so far has been a two-year constant nagging feeling like I'm on the verge of something, but never ever reaching what the something actually is. I've been flirting with the edge for 2 years now. And college is great and all, but I just know that there is more to be seen than what I have seen so far. And no, it is not simply more episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

One day I might look back on these days that I am tiring of, and wish I had them back. I probably will because that's how life goes. But right now I'm just ready for something else. Something new. Someone new? Because some of the people (read: guys) lingering in my head need to be nudged out by better ones. It's just time.

But until those new times wander in, I'll just be here listening to John Mayer and believing that my best days really are ahead. Because sometimes having hope in something ahead is the only way to make it through a less than peaceful night.