Therapy session.

Today, I miss lots of things.

I miss my grandmama. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh. I miss her cooking!!!

I miss my little dog who's at home with my parents. I miss him jumping on me in the mornings when my mom would come let him out so I could sleep a few extra minutes. I miss seeing him run up the hill of the front yard when I call him, usually with the tune of "Heart & Soul".

Speaking of my parents, I miss them too. Even though it's only been a week since I've seen them, & they're coming next weekend as well. But I miss them anyway.

I miss my mom's hugs. And her cooking too.

I miss my dad's corny jokes. Hearing them over the phone isn't the same; you can't see him looking to see if you're laughing.

I miss my best friend Lauren from high school. I miss walking to class with her, going out on the weekends, just talking about things. I miss our inside jokes & how comfortable we are with each other. I miss how she could know what I was thinking with just one look.

I miss my brothers. Oh, how I miss my brothers. I haven't seen Alan since January I think. I've seen Jon more recently, about three weeks ago, but even a few days is too much to be apart in my opinion. I miss when we were all growing up and the most serious issues in my life were that they wouldn't leave me alone. I miss family vacations and the horrible fights we had & then eventually getting over it all & having so much fun together. I miss being younger.

I miss my dad's parents. I miss my Papa's smile. I miss him calling me "Miss South Carolina" when I walked in the door when I was younger. I miss him telling me "I guess I'll keep you." I miss his "John Henry" stories about that fish. I miss his voice, and his hugs too. I miss my Grandmama saying "Thomas" really loud because he couldn't hear, even with his hearing aid. I miss her brunswick stew; I still haven't found any that compares. I miss how she always wanted to know everything that was happening in our lives. I even miss living in Georgia where so many people we knew used to know her & I could talk about her. Here, no one knows how amazing she was. I miss my Papa's truck with the red door, the one I got my foot cut on with a chainsaw when us kids were getting turns to drive it in the pasture. I miss the cows on the farm. I miss the house on the farm, & I miss living in it. I miss the horrible wallpaper, the ugly 70's style carpet, and the feeling of home that lived there, & the amazing memories.

I miss when I knew what the day ahead was going to hold. I miss being tired of being around people, since I'm alone way too often these days. I miss being comfortable in my environment, even though that will come with time. I miss knowing everyone in my church, even though that will hopefully come in time too.

I miss my "best adult friends" Mrs. Elaine & Mrs. Lisa, who never fail to encourage me & lend a listening ear to all of my problems, or simply stories of the day.

I miss Atlanta. I miss the food (the Varsity, The Blue Willow...other wonderful places). I miss Madison, even, just a little bit. Just for familiarity's sake.

Of everything that changes in life, God is the only thing that I know will never go anywhere, and neither will His love for me.

Standing on the promises.

Don't wish it all away.

These days, life is moving pretty swiftly. Every day when I wake up in a dorm room instead of my room at home, I'm reminded. Or when I look around in general and realize time & time again that I am in fact in college now. Which is totally crazy to me. My whole life, I had this view of college students and just totally admired them. Of all the people that have been older than me my whole life, I've always looked up to college students and where they were in their lives. And now I'm there. I am one of those people, seemingly waiting for "life to start" and yet already living "the best days of your life".

Even though I'm starting to get used to everything here, and slowly breaking into a routine that's becoming more comfortable, it's still not quite right. Because I don't know yet what's ahead after that. For now, I'm good. I have my classes, I have my work schedule, I have a church to go to. But what about when college is over? It's easy to want to get through this just to know what's coming in the next phase. I've been thinking a lot about where God is going to take me as far as a career, and if my goals, which I believe He has given me the desire to achieve, are even attainable. I was telling Emily about all of this, and about my feelings of inadequacy. I have probably ten "dream jobs" that I would LOVE to be able to do for a living, but I don't feel like I'm good enough, talented enough, etc. Then she looked at me and said something that I will never forget. "You're not!" She continued to say that God doesn't look at ability, but He looks for a willing heart. These are things that I know, but I so quickly forget when I let my worries and insecurities get in the way. I am by nature a worrier. I will worry a situation to DEATH until it's resolved. (I'm working on changing that.) But what I'm realizing is

I will worry away every day of my life if I constantly think about things that are coming. I will miss what I'm living right now, today, if I can't stop wanting things tomorrow to be perfect.

Things aren't perfect in life. They never have been, and never will be. But, every day definitely has its beauty. Every single day that God creates has some sort of value in the story of my life. And when I have a bad day, I might have a wonderful time catching up with a friend. Or when I get bad news, I might be encouraged unexpectedly, and see the Lord fill that need to overflowing.

One thing that the Lord has blessed me with is an eye for detail. I notice the sunrise, and the flowers, and the breeze, and the beauty in seemingly every day things. I can typically pick out something good in most situations. Which takes work, believe me. Because I can just as easily find things to pick apart and criticize. But one time someone talked about how so many details of beauty in the world are simply God telling us He loves us. And when I get a hug from a friend, or when I see a pretty sunset, I feel it. Even when that seems to be the only good thing about a day, that's something. He won't leave you empty.

I've never ever been known for being concise (again, I'm working on it!), but mainly this is all to say, that I don't want to wish away these moments in life. Every season of life is going to have its challenges and things that we'd rather skip over. But in life, the good comes with the bad sometimes. And my goal is to truly, genuinely, ENJOY these years. Even with the challenges, and the worries of growing up and making big decisions, and really stepping out on my own for the first time. To find the wonder in every day, to use those moments to appreciate God and who He is, and to also use them to encourage others. To not only grow, and discover where God is leading me, but to enjoy it all while it's happening. To keep count of His daily blessings, and appreciate them and this life that He's given me.

In the movie Ferris Bueller's Day off, Matthew Broderick's character said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it."

How right he was. And I don't intend to spend one more day worrying about what's coming so much that I miss the beauty of today.