Better tomorrow than today.

Since I love to write so much, many times I'll start writing a blog in my head, or in front of the mirror. Simply thinking through my thoughts from that day. And if they come together in any sort of fashion, I may choose to run to my computer & try to get them out in a coherent manner. This is stemming from one of those episodes.

I've been thinking since New Year's is just a few days away about resolutions for this year. I have many things I would love to simply get a hold of this year. I'd love to make amazing grades, master time management, figure out how to study efficiently, lose weight, be more positive, & simply just "fix" a lot of things. I do this every year; different year, but same goals. And every year, I fail. I have the same goals, & then I find myself falling into the same old patterns as the year before. Reclaiming bad habits, getting back into old routines. This isn't a post about goal setting, although that is something that's important to figure out. But this is about becoming a better person.

My goal is to become a better version of myself, every day.

I know that this year I will not wake up one morning & be a size 2, with A's on every single assignment or test, with perfect self control. But, by working on myself a little at a time, I can slowly grow to achieve the things I want to. This isn't even about determination, or personal initiative. Because those things require YOUR power. Your strong mindset, your skills at planning, your changing things yourself. And I don't know about you, but personally, my own efforts haven't really been getting me where I want to go. I'm weak. I decide to do something & at the first instance of being distracted, I'm off track. I can't focus on anything. I can't do things on my own power. The thing is though, I serve a God who can do it all.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase that someone has "made it". What does that mean exactly? Does it mean that someday you wake up & you have achieved success in such and such an area, & then it's done? That you quit because you've simply arrived? I know that I never want to stop growing. I want to wake up every day & know that I'm a little different than the day before; that I'm better. And like I said, this isn't going to come through my efforts. That is something that only God can do. Only through reading His word, & focusing on HIS plan for my life & who He wants me to be.

What I want this year, & every year that will follow this one, is to simply grow. To grow in faith, to grow in love, to grow in knowledge, to grow in skill. I want to examine my life daily though the lens of faith & His word, & see what needs to change, & allow Him to make those changes in me. Notice I didn't say that I would make them, because I can't. Only He can. Only He could save me, & only He can help me grow by His power. I hope that as I grow older, I will grow stronger. I hope that my faith will grow, & spill into the lives of those around me who may be lead to find faith of their own. I hope that I never fall into believing that I don't have anything left to accomplish; that I've just got things together. Because I know that no matter what condition my heart may reach through my faith in Him, He will always have things to change in me. I pray that I'm always open to those changes, & willing to encourage the same in others. I pray that I can withstand old sins & overcome them by God's power in me. I pray that I simply never stop growing, & growing closer to Him.

If I stay where I'm at, I will always be dealing with the same problems and challenges. But at some point you have to have enough of a desire to experience MORE of what He has for you, to be willing to work to defeat those challenges & move toward growing more like Him. And I know that I will never achieve perfection. But there is no reason why I can't work to become a little better, every day. Matthew 5:48 says "Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect." Because we're sinners, we can never truly reach perfection, no matter what we do. But, He can always do a work in us if we're willing to commit our lives to growing closer to Him and getting to know Him better as we grow in our faith.

I hope this year for myself, & for you as well, that we can all work towards this:
"In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God's promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self control, and self control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone." 2 Peter 1: 5-7

Let's make becoming more like Jesus, our beautiful Savior, our main goal this year. Because surely, when we make that our focus, everything else will be touched by that & affected as a result. Let's make Him the anchor of our goals, & see what He can do through our lives as we live according to what He wants for us.

Whiter than snow.

Georgia typically does not receive a white Christmas. Like as in, ever. For example, in 2009 we had temperatures in the mid-70's on Christmas day. It just doesn't happen. However, this year, the impossible actually happened. It actually snowed. Now to consider it a white Christmas, I personally would like to be able to SEE the whiteness, like wake up to it or something, which you couldn't since it snowed after it was already dark. But anyways, it still did snow on Christmas day which was cool, and it's still been snowing throughout the day today.

Snow is so lovely. I love when it's falling, & especially when the trees & everything else are completely covered in white. You can't see the flaws of nature's roughness or discolorings or anything. It's all white. Perfect. Serene. Beautiful. Pure.

Some of my favorite memories when I was little were playing in the snow. We'd get all dressed in warm clothes & gloves & hats & everything, then go out & run around all over. We had snowball fights, rode on trashcan lids behind 4-wheelers with our neighbors, and some of my favorite memories are playing with my best friend Emily when she would come over from across the street since we were both out of school. I loved playing until our clothes were so wet we couldn't do it anymore, going & throwing them in the dryer & drinking hot chocolate while we waited to get back out as soon as we could. I loved every minute of it.

I love what snow symbolizes. In Isaiah the Lord says He will "make you white as snow". This is such a great picture of His forgiveness and love. After the snow has fallen, everything under it is covered, just as our sin is covered under His forgiveness. And since it's snowing around Christmas, what a great time to remember what the snow illustrates. He came to save. That forgiveness would be made possible. And that is without question the most important thing for us to remember this time of year.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your family & that this year we can all remember to be thankful for His mercy & forgiveness, by which we are made white as snow.

"I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day..."

Sometimes life goes by just like snapshots in your mind. Pictures taken to capture a single moment in time.
I've had a love for photography and taking pictures as long as I can remember. I get it honest; my dad has always loved the same thing. But along with that, my mind operates in snapshots sometimes. I look at the world around me, or people I'm close to and my eyes start to look at how I would frame that view in a photograph. A sunset isn't just a sunset; it's a moment waiting to be captured. A sudden break of a smile on a friend's face isn't just a smile; it's joy embodied, just begging to be remembered in a picture. Simple, spontaneous moments that somehow capture our favorite parts of life; happiness, smiles, being together, the beauty of creation. A lot of times though, it's easy to feel like your photo album wouldn't measure up to someone else's; it's easy to feel that there's a shortage of excitement and adventure compared to other people. However, it's a treasure to be able to see your own life, and the snapshots capturing the special moments in that life, and appreciate every bit of it. Even though our lives certainly don't always work out to be what we wish they would, they're OURS. The way that God made me & the experiences that He has allowed in my life are not exactly like anyone else's in the world, or in history. Surely He has made me for "such a time as this", and wouldn't it make it more meaningful to live it looking for the joys He allows me throughout? The simple moments? The feeling of holding my sleepy little dog in my arms, or the sounds of my nephew's laugh, or seeing my brother when it's been too long; a familiar voice on the phone, a text that makes you smile. It's all part of my photo album; the moments that make my days better, and my photo album of life more colorful. And even though some days I feel like my life couldn't be more boring or uneventful, there are still little moments that let me know that it's special just the way it is. The times I'm experiencing are exciting and special, and probably will turn out to be the best years. But that's almost hard to believe for me. Because somehow, I'm positive that there are treasures at every stage of this life. There are little moments spread all throughout that make it more beautiful. There are pictures of His grace and love and mercy all mixed in. And using my little moments and joys, a beautiful collage is made of Creation and the lives that we are allowed to live, so undeservingly.
I hope you enjoy some wonderful snapshots of your life this next week, and that you can appreciate them for all that they're worth.

Georgia on my mind.

Even though I am happily living in Greenville again for college, I have now called Georgia "home" for 6 & 1/2 years. If you had asked me at the beginning of that period what I liked about Georgia, the list would have been short after having to leave Greenville. I used to pretty much have "Why Georgia" by John Mayer on repeat (of course my interpretation was probably different than how he thought of it when he wrote it). But now, especially since coming home means coming back to Georgia, I have really been realizing the things that I love about it.

I love the silhouette of the pine trees against a sunset.
I love seeing baby deer with their moms in the fields.
I love Atlanta. I love the energy, the city lights, the feeling of opportunity that lives there.
I love the beaches. I love St. Simons Island & the memories I had the chance to make there with my high school friends.
I love Savannah. I love the history, the charm, the Southern-ness. I love the lighthouse on Tybee, & walking on River Street in downtown.
I love the open skies here at home. I love how you can see stars here better than anywhere else I've found.
I love that my family is from here - my dad's side, anyway. I love when we all get together & their accents & how even though we don't see each other very often, I feel like I see them every day because they're part of where I come from.
I love Madison. I love the lights at Christmas; I love walking around downtown; I love seeing a million people I know just driving down the road.

I love the people I've met here, the best friends I've made, & the growing I've done. When I moved here I was 12. Now I'm 7 years older, & a huge reason I grew into who I am is the experiences I had here & the people I met. Thankfully I was able to find amazing people who invested parts of their lives into mine, & helped me get through the challenges to really grow into something more. I love that all of that happened here. This is where I learned to drive, learned to fish when I was little, & where just about all of my memories with my dad's parents were made. Even though South Carolina will always be where I consider myself to be "from", Georgia turned out to be where I have done a whole lot of living & growing. And somehow this year especially, I've developed a new appreciation for that.

I'm very thankful for the memories, & looking forward to many, many more.

This world keeps spinning faster.

One of my favorite movies is Enchanted. In it, Patrick Dempsey is talking to his six-year-old daughter & tells her that she & his girlfriend are going to spend some "grown up girl bonding time together" the next day. She replies, "But I'm only six." Then Patrick Dempsey says the line that gets me every time. "You won't always be."

Time. Flies. I'm sitting typing this in my college dorm room where I am retreating after finishing two exams to finish out my first semester of college. And it seems like yesterday, I was 13. My biggest worries used to be about my brothers picking on me or not being able to stay up as late as I wanted to. Then it was worrying about getting my learner's permit. Now, I'm worried about scholarships, getting a job, & starting a savings account for after college. It's amazing how things change. In a lot of ways it's scary. Just the being on your own part. There is definitely huge excitement about independence, but a huge dose of sadness too being away from the familiar. But I love what God is doing in my life. I love what I'm learning, I love how I'm growing, I love the friends I'm making. And God is giving me so many incredible opportunities that it's just unbelievable. And surely it will only get better from here. So even though time is flying, I am loving where it's going. Even though it requires leaving behind little girl fantasies, it enables making your dreams finally come true, as cliche as that is. And the glorious thing is that I know how this story ends because I know the Writer! God is good, & life is such a blessing, & I don't want to waste a single day.

Life's what you make it.

Life is an interesting thing. When we enter into it, many details of our life already exist when we get here. We don't get to choose our parents or families. We don't get to choose the house we live in or how we look. Those are all planned and decided for us, whether by our parents, or the great Planner Himself. More than details like these, we are also born into something else: sin. We have no control over this. We are born into a sinful nature, each & every one of us. The damage was done back at the beginning of the world that we all come to face in our individual lives.

The amazing thing that the Lord gave us though is the ability to make choices. Because of that freedom, we have the chance to really change a lot of things.

If one is born into less than desirable family conditions, they can move on from that when they start their own family - they can choose someone as their spouse who can help them turn that around.

Just as one is born into a difficult family, they are born into the family of sinners. However, we are incredibly blessed to have the choice to move out of that family and back into the family of Christ. All it takes is a choice.

Jesus made a choice to love us & die for us to make a place for us in that family. He chose us, from the beginning. He wants us, even when our earthly families may not. Even though our sin causes us separation from where we want to be and who we want to be, He provides that way out. Because He wants to.

Love is much more meaningful when the other person chooses to give it. When my friends tell me they love me, it's not because they feel like they should; there are plenty of other people they could have as friends. But I know they mean it because they choose to spend time with me & build a relationship. Love in any relationship is so special when you know it's not because they have to love you, but they choose to look past all your faults & keep you anyway. It's so much more genuine flowing out of choice rather than out of force. And Jesus' love flows out of choice. God created us because He loves us & wanted us to enjoy Him forever. And even though we messed it up, He still made a way for us. All we have to do is accept what He has for us. Accept our brokenness, our sin, our position of need, & He fills that for us.

Even with all the things we encounter when we enter this world, there is a way out of any situation we get into to make it better. With the right outlook & focus, we can always choose to see the good, & find a way to make that happen in our lives, with God's help. Also, if I am looking at every situation & focusing on things I can individually do to improve it rather than blaming others or simply sulking about it, I will be more positive & constantly improve myself. Not to mention the love the Lord has for me fills me with an incredible joy that I just can't seem to get rid of, even when things are really hard. So, I think we just need to realize that even with any cards we've been dealt, we can always make it better. We can always choose to see the good, & more importantly focus on the ways the Lord could use it to accomplish His plans & purposes. We aren't responsible for anyone's actions but our own, but the Lord can use absolutely anything in anyone's life to fulfill His ultimate plan, which is amazing. If we choose to simply trust His will & do what we can do to do our part by following His word & daily direction, there's hardly anyway we can fail. After all, if He is for us, who can be against us? Let's choose to trust Him & trust that He will bring us through WHATEVER life can throw at us.

Growing.

When I was little, faith was simple. I grew up in a Christian home, as a the daughter of a preacher no less. I was saved at a young age, & I never had a day where I didn't know the name of Jesus. I've just kind of always believed. But it was much simpler back then. Now that I'm older I'm starting to see how that faith plays out on a much deeper level. I'm seeing how His love is truly expressed in so many areas of life. I'm able to recognize & connect things in Scripture that I couldn't before. I'm growing.

Looking back on when I was younger makes me realize how much I've changed since then. I've grown up & made a lot of new goals. Goals to truly improve myself. To improve my walk with Christ. To become a better version of myself, every single day on this earth. The way I see it, every day puts us either closer to where we want to be, or puts us one step backwards. There isn't much of a medium. Either we're growing or we're drifting. Because the longer we're not growing, that time as a whole would definitely count as drifting. So to me it just makes sense to aim to grow.

It takes realizing that the things that hold us back every day, whether it be our attitude, our fears, our prejudice, our selfishness; these things need to be left behind. If we continue to carry them with us day to day, struggling against them all the while, they continue to hold us back. It's time to overcome these & leave them behind. Until we get tired enough of the same old struggles that we allow ourselves to fall into time & time again, they will continue to hold us back. But the thing is, as much as we want to hold on to whatever it may be, the Lord has so much more for us once we let go.

I don't want to go throughout my life dealing with the same things. We will always have struggles, but the sign of growth is that we overcome our struggles & grow from them! We come out stronger, & with deeper faith. If we continue dealing with the same things, we aren't growing, & what a miserable state it is to continue to suffer the same things & never prevail over them. The thing is, God is more than willing to help us learn how to grow from our trials, & even celebrate in them. That is so awesome to me. That's something I'm really trying to do, is to look for the good in everything. In trials, in heartbreak, in tragedy, in brokenness, & in broken people. There is always a way that God can work through circumstances & people to accomplish His purposes, even when humans complicate things. His work will still be completed, with us personally or without us. It's still going to happen; He's still going to win. So why not follow Him & get to actually be a part of that?

Just like I outgrew certain things as I grew older & abandoned them for better things, I hope that I can continue to surpass certain aspects of my faith. Not to let go of any part of it, but simply to see it grow & mature as the Lord leads me through different phases of my life. I hope to leave behind the things that have held me back, & overcome them. Even though different things will always stand in my way, I want to be on a path to work daily to overcome something else; to grow every day.

Life is just too short to spend it stuck in the same habits & personal struggles. We've got to step it up & whip our bodies, minds & spirits into shape so that we can truly experience the things that the Lord has for us in this life.

I changed the name of my blog because I want to live every day making changes in myself. To strive every day to grow & change into more of who God wants me to be. I will never be perfect, but I can always aim to do something better today that I did yesterday, & do it better tomorrow than I did today. I can always improve. And that's what this blog is about; my process of improving. My growing up & growing in faith. The story of my life & the things that the Lord is doing in it. So, today whoever you are reading this, I encourage you to strive alongside me today. Let's grow together.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Thankful.

Being as it's Thanksgiving Day, I like everyone else feel compelled to really examine my life for my blessings right now. Because they are so numerous, & I am truly so very blessed. So I figured I would write them out to have a chance to really see them myself, & to share them with you.

First of all, I am so blessed to have this life. Even though many times we seem to focus on whatever is going wrong at the moment, it only takes half a second of looking around to realize how good I have it. I'm young, I have my health, & I just have a wonderful life in general. And all the glory goes to the Creator. For all of this, but for life itself especially. That alone is something we don't always realize how lucky we are to possess.

I am also tremendously blessed with my family. I have two amazing Christian parents who raised me to be anything good that I am, & two brothers who I would die for in a heartbeat. I have a wonderful place to truly call home, which is wherever they are. I've learned with moving throughout the years that it is truly not the house where you are; it's who's there with you. And even though we're all separated & living in different cities now, they are all only a phone call away from brightening up any day I have. They know me better than most, & amazingly they still love me. And that's not even counting my extended family, who are incredible as well.

I am thankful for my dog! I wanted a dog for years after we got had to get rid of our last one in Greenville & the Lord somehow got my parents to let me get one! Asher's name means "happiness", & he has truly brought so much happiness into my life! He is the first pet I've ever had that's mine alone, & even though I can't have him at college, he is such a joy to come home to. I love his energy & sweetness (when he wants to be sweet at least), & even though he's a lot of work sometimes, the good moments far outweigh the difficult ones.

I have absolutely unbelievable friends. I've been lucky to call Emily my best friend for almost 13 years now, & I am also just tremendously blessed to have her & other of my amazing Greenville friends back in my day to day life. I love having the option of running over to see them for a few minutes; it's something I couldn't do for years. And Emily & Lindsey & the other Lindsey & everyone else just encourage me & are so amazing. And then there are my Georgia friends! When I moved away from SC I never thought I could find friends to compare to my SC friends, but God sent me to some amazing people who I now can't replace with my SC friends! Funny how that works. But I have some friends who truly inspire me to be better & I am so thankful to have them beside me as we experience the most exciting times of our lives together. I could write a book on my friends but just know that they are so special to me, & one of the truest joys of my life.

I am thankful for the teachers and church leaders who have helped me get where I am. I am thankful for every card, every prayer, every conversation that encouraged me when it was hard to stand alone. Every word that helped me to know that it was worth it. That I wasn't alone. I'm thankful for the opportunities to be involved in different things that allowed me to discover my strengths, & the way that those have now helped me to figure out what I want to do with my life. There are way too many people to name, but these people are truly so close to my heart, & their efforts they put into my life will be rewarded in Heaven.

I am thankful for my school. I truly believe that I could not have picked anywhere better to go to college, & I am so excited for the opportunities I have for learning & growth at NGU. The atmosphere is amazing, & you can just see Jesus working all over the campus. I know that the Lord is going to continue to use the school & many people in it to impact my life for the better, & I am so excited.

I am thankful for a second chance at life. Without the Lord I would be nowhere. I would be trapped in sin & misery with no hope to get out. With Him, I still mess up every day. But the beautiful thing is, He is there to help me get through it, & hopefully learn from it for next time. I am realizing every day that I am nothing without Him. Without Him, I am left to my evil thoughts, impulses, & reactions. If I drift away I suffer the lack of His presence. And that inspires me to get to know Him better, daily. To truly give it all to know Him & discover what He wants for me in my life. Without Him, I'm just Jessica. With Him, I am so much more, & if I take advantage of what He has for me, I can experience all the wonders in this life that He has for me, which are all blessings in themselves as well.

I'm thankful for the sunsets, pretty flocks of birds, freedom, flowers, music, rainstorms, ocean waves, smiles from strangers, children, hugs, long phone calls, good books, a warm bed, clean water, sunshine, & the joy that comes in knowing that this is only the beginning of the beauty of life. The best is yet to come, even with how great things are now.

And my King is coming. That is the greatest part of the entire story.

Stories.

I love stories. I have always loved stories, especially life stories. Some of my favorite movies are ones that trace a complete life. For example, I love Marley & Me because it traces the family's life through Marley's. Another one I love is The Time Traveler's Wife, for the same reason. And even though that one's a little different since it skips around, it still follows them through their whole lives together. There are so many movies I could name that do this but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

So, why do I love these stories? Because you can see the big picture. At the end of our lives, or in a movie like Marley & Me, you get to start at the beginning, or somewhere near there, & you see it all. You see the good times, & the hard times, & how they grow & come out stronger together. I especially love this in movies about families or marriages. I love it when they grow & just experience the different parts of life together. You see how God is working through it all, & is there every step of the way. But in many cases in our own personal lives, we can't appreciate the defining moments of our lives until later. Sometimes you can pick out moments in movies that you know will be important, or you see it on the previews. In life, there are no previews. God is the only one who knows exactly where our lives will take us, & He certainly hasn't sent me any 2 minute video for a sneak peek lately. We have to follow Him as it progresses.

Something that is so encouraging to me, & has been especially this week in attending the Women's Conference here at school, is that even when we don't know what is ahead, God does. I have heard stories this week from amazing women who are Godly & beautiful & are just overall incredible, but they have dealt with some less than desirable circumstances. They have faced loss of spouses, & miscarriages, & financial troubles, & marriage problems, & consequences from bad decisions of their pasts. But the amazing thing is, they are older, & wiser. And they can look back at things that have happened to them & clearly see that God has used their circumstances & turned them into blessings. Sometimes we get so caught up in our problems & the pain of our struggles that we fail to see how God could use them. One of our speakers this week used the analogy of God being the holder of the puzzle box. It's hard to understand life when we can't see the big picture. It's hard to only have what's right in front of us & not be able to see how God will use it all together to make a beautiful picture of our lives. But He will.

The pieces of our life's puzzle that we have been dealt don't match up sometimes, or don't look right according to what we imagine the picture should be. But the thing is, God is the one who created the puzzle. He has written the stories of our lives. He knows our decisions before we make them, our struggles before they come, & our prayers before any of them are spoken. Even when the pieces we are given at the time don't match the rest of the puzzle, He holds the puzzle box with the final picture on it. He knows where it's going. And He is faithful to stick with us through every trial in our lives until that final picture is achieved.

The stories of our lives sometimes aren't fully understood until the end. Some things will happen that aren't explained until much later. But, we can rest assured that everything truly does happen for a reason, as cliche as that sounds. God has a plan, knows the ultimate ending, & He has already won the war for us.

It really comes down to us trusting His plan & sovereignty even when we don't know how in the world we will get through a situation. Even when we don't know what is ahead, He does. And He will provide for our every need. Because He loves us that much. Isn't that awesome?

Even while we're waiting to get a few more puzzle pieces to add to the picture, we can have peace knowing that it will be beautiful in the end. Our present pain is nothing compared to the glory that is to come. And the wonderful thing, is that many times we are the closest to God when we are having to be dependent on Him through trials. We lean on Him the most when we face what we can't possibly imagine facing on our own. And when He proves Himself faithful through these times, as He always does, we know without a shadow of a doubt that He will be faithful to us in the little things as well. He cares about the details, & He cares about our lives because they all fit together into His ultimate story of the world. The story of His creation.

Our pictures are only a part of the whole completed picture that will one day be complete. Every moment that passes is going to come together to create something beautiful, & will certainly one day be a part of an incredible masterpiece made by an amazing Artist.

Attention.

Attention, everyone. I have recently been realizing that attention is the issue here.

There are people who don't get enough attention & crave it. There are those who won't give it, whether to protect themselves from getting it back & their flaws being realized or simply to pay back not getting it themselves. And there is a God who so desperately wants yours, & tries to tell you 1000 times a day.

Girls are born with a need for attention & acknowledgement. We need to know, & HEAR, that we are loved & valued. Little girls need this assurance, & older girls need this reminder. But in many heartbreaking cases, we fail to receive this. Our fathers are human & sometimes forget, or don't realize how imporatnt it is. In other cases, fathers just aren't around. I am so immensely blessed in my life to have a wonderful daddy who has always given me ample attention & has always affirmed me, but this isn't the case with everyone. And it is a great, great need. So then, girls start looking for ways to fill this void. They use their bodies, their words, their actions to try & fill the need to know they're valued, to have someone's attention. We've all seen it. A girl who is obnoxiously loud, all over all the boys, practically BEGGING for attention. What they fail to realize is that they've been on HIS mind since the beginning of EVERYTHING, & they hold His attention, even if they don't get a second glance here on earth. Because a "gentle & quiet spirit" is of "great worth in God's sight". We don't have to fight for it anymore.

Boys also share this need, but in a different way. Men need to be respected; valued; to feel like they're important. Some get attention & build such a huge ego that their desire for attention is insatiable. Others can't seem to get any & spend all their time & efforts trying to impress girls, their fathers, or their friends. They try endlessly to prove that they're man enough to deserve the attention, & in many times they end up commanding it with actions that don't deserve the attention they're aiming to receive. They try to force it from others with their strength when their quiet leadership & strength warrants much more respect & attention.

God watches all of this. He made us to need each other, & need relationships. The problem is, we have turned this into a need of approval from each other, rather than having each other as a source of encouragement & fellowship. Instead of spending so much energy & time working to get a few minutes of attention from one person, wouldn't it make more sense to go to the source of our purpose in life? Our Creator? The one who sends us sunsets, & stars, & oceans, & flowers, & butterflies, & sunshine, & a million others good things in life simply to show us that He loves us? The One who fights for our hearts with His unfailing love. The One who is waiting whenever we surrender our hopelessness & accept His blessings, His faithfulness, His LOVE! He waits with open arms, & UNDIVIDED ATTENTION, dear ones. He knows everything about us, & more than that, He cares. He created us & knows our need. He is ready, willing, & able to be the source of everything we need, if we make a simple, although life-altering decision. To turn our eyes on Him. To give Him our attention, & stop begging it from others to feel like we are worth something. Because He already thinks that we are worth everything. He thought we were worth sending Jesus for, to make a way for us to come back to Him, even while we were sinners. And He loves us more than we could ever imagine.

There are those today who know these truths. But they look for excuses, distractions, things to keep them from having to face change. Change is scary. But living a life without Jesus is much, much scarier. Is it worth having the attention of men here on earth & missing out on what God has for us? The truth is, we aren't created to get attention for ourselves anyway. We're simply here to be used to point it ALL back to Him, He who is the only way we can be fulfilled, & always valued, & always, always, always loved. What is it going to take to get your attention that God wants your attention? The love letters for us, found in His word, are in most homes in America... The evidence is all around us...

He loves us. Our failings don't stop Him. He loves us. Our insecurities are forgotten in the midst of the absolute source of strength & love. He loves us. He is there when everyone else leaves. He loves us. His attention & His hand never leaves us even when the rest of the world turns their eye to focus on the next thing. He loves us. More than we could ever fathom. And He's simply waiting to show us if we give Him our attention. He cares about the mundane details, & more than that, He orchestrates them all to point us to Him. He is jealous for our attention. What is it going to take to give our attention where it is truly deserved?

When Peter walked on the water towards Jesus, he was fine when he kept his eyes, his attention, focused on Him. However, when he took his eyes off of Jesus, he began to sink. It's time to realize that without our full attention on Jesus & what He has for us, rather than our distractions & humans instincts, we are going to sink. We need Him. And friends, He wants us, against all odds.


Does He have your attention yet??


"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory & grace."

Q & A

I got tagged by Nina West (http://ninapottershands.blogspot.com) to do this Q & A, & since it's a Friday afternoon & I'm really not looking to start on next week's work yet, I'm going to play along. :) Plus, I love answering questions about myself. That's my favorite thing about meeting new people is telling them random things. So whether you know me a little or a lot, here is some more insight into my life that I'm sure you were dying to know! :) I'm supposed to tag people to do it after me but I don't have that many people to tag sadly so if you read this & wish to do it, you of course may do that. I'll answer Nina's questions that she came up with & then come up with 8 of my own. So here we go.

1. If you had a chance to change your name, would you & what would it be?
I really like my name. But if I wanted for whatever reason to change it, let's say for the witness protection program just to make it interesting, I would go with probably Caroline or Madelyn...Caroline is what I'm going to use for one of my children if God blesses me with a girl because my mom's name is Carolyn & I'd like to do a variation of that. And Madelyn is just classy & I like it.

2. What is/are your favorite books?
Oh my word. I could talk about books for hours. I could quite literally write a book about all the books that I love. Some of my favorite authors are: Nicholas Sparks, Jane Austen, & Sophie Kinsella; I'll read anything by them. Other books I love are Captivating by Stasi & John Eldredge (changed my life!), Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (& anything else by her), Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Praise Habit by David Crowder, Fireworks Over Toccoa by Jeffery Stepakoff, several by James Patterson like Sam's Letters to Jennifer, Sundays at Tiffany's... I usually find an author I like & read all of their books, or all that are the style of the one I enjoyed by that author. Mostly I read fiction (love stories, let's be honest), or books about Christian living. I could LIVE in Lifeway & just read every book in there. I just love bookstores in general & there have been SO many books that I have just loved and enjoyed; these are truly only a few.

3. If you were told you have 1 minute to pick out an outfit from your closet & not told where you were going, what would you pick & why?
Very interesting question. I would probably wear jeans because that's what I wear almost every day as a college student, whatever shirt caught my eye for the day; probably something green because that's my favorite, & some flats. And if it was around this season, my North Face jacket that I wear pretty much everywhere. And I would just hope & pray I wasn't underdressed. :) If I knew I needed to be dressed up, I have a few favorite dresses that I would choose from that I would wear anywhere. Nothing beats a comfortable, beautiful dress.

4. My sister-in-law and I have a small cake decorating business & hope to one day open a bakery, so what is your favorite dessert?
Oh goodness. Well, I have a serious passion for cupcakes. I almost completely adore cheesecake. And regular cake. And white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. And peanut butter pie. I should probably just stop there. :)

5. What has been the best vacation you have taken so far and what would be your ultimate dream vacation?
The best vacation I have taken so far would probably be a trip to New York City about 7 or 8 years ago. It was so different from anything I had seen before & even though I was younger, it was just incredible. My ULTIMATE dream vacation would have to last several months to fit in all the places I want to see. The places I want to visit most are Italy, Greece, France, England, & Ireland, so I would just need to do a whole European tour basically. But I would also love to see more of the Caribbean islands, I've been to Jamaica & it was incredible. I'd love to see more of the amazing beaches God created. I just love to travel & I really hope I get lots of opportunities for awesome trips in the future.

6. What are some of your favorite Bible verses?
"Charm is deceptive & beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
"WHATEVER happens my dear brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord." Philippians 3:1
"He has made everything beautiful in its time...they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Those are a few. I of course have a million favorite Bible verses too though, they're like my favorite books in that regard.

7. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
In five years, I will hopefully be totally done with school, graduated from college, hopefully working somewhere in some wonderful job ministering to women, & hopefully at least engaged ;)

8. I know this may be a weird question but what is your daily skin routine?
I have used Proactiv for several years, besides the fact that it has ruined many a t-shirt, washcloth, & other various articles of clothing, it has done wonders for my face. But, it's super expensive & I'm pretty sure my skin is addicted to it. If I wash with anything else, my face immediately feels awful. For this reason, after this last bit of it I'm switching to Mary Kay because my mom sells it & it'll be easy to get, & much gentler on my skin & other fabrics as well. Basically my routine just revolves around the products I'm using; besides that, I just do what the directions tell me. :)

So, there's your useless information about my life that hopefully you may have slightly enjoyed reading. Okay, now, 8 questions for anyone who wants to do this after.

1. Do you have a favorite pet that you own either now or have owned in the past?
2. What is your favorite tv show?
3. Do you have siblings? How has having siblings affected how you view others?
4. What is the Lord doing in your life recently?
5. What is your favorite food that your mother/grandmother makes or used to make?
6. What is your favorite season & why?
7. If you could switch lives with anyone just for one day, who would it be & why?
8. Who are some people that you really look up to as people you want to be like? (People in your personal life; not celebrities)

Miracles.

I want to learn how to truly believe in miracles.

I wish I could genuinely just look at a situation, without seeing all the possible ways that it could fail, & have absolute faith that something amazing could happen.

So many times we're told when we're growing up, not to get our hopes up. We're taught to expect amazing things not to happen. It'd be awesome if it happens, but be prepared for it not to. That sort of thing.

Because of that, I have grown to be way too realistic.

I look at any dream, especially mine, & critique the things you have to figure out to make it happen. But sometimes, I wish I was the type of person that could just jump into something. Heart fully involved, giving it all I have. Faith that it'll work out, & faith to try again when it doesn't.

So many times, especially at NGU where there are so many incredible stories of faith played out in real lives of individuals, you can hear stories of absolute miracles. But the problem is, it's almost as if this is just something that happened in Biblical times, or something that happens to other people. I want to learn to EXPECT & BELIEVE in miracles. Small ones & big ones. Of course, many miracles are simply referred to as blessings. But I want real miracles. I want real faith. I want real life experiences, where I end every day knowing that I could never recreate that day even if I tried. Where every moment is surely designed by God, & every breath is a blessing & part of my continuing story.

I want to live for the little moments that add up to make a life. The rainbows, the laughter, the unexpected surprises that together make a beautiful life here on earth. And I want to catch little displays of God's power in miracles, real miracles.

I don't want to take any of it for granted, or waste any chance to make my life all it can possibly be. At the end of the day, truly all that matters is God, & the people that you share life's experiences with. I want to always remember that & live it out by making those my priorities.

So, here's to believing. And here's to miracles; shooting stars, falling in love, dreaming the impossible, & LIFE.

The Male Species.

Let me start by saying...



There is NOTHING more attractive in a guy than a genuine & obvious love for the Lord. Few things are truer than that.

Here at North Greenville there are tons & tons of good guys. There are guys that open doors, guys that let girls they don't even know wear their jackets in chapel, guys that are just generally nice, good guys. And yes, those things will get you noticed, probably by a lot of girls around here. Those things are appreciated. At least they are by me. I like guys that are nice & polite when I'm working in the bookstore or who make an effort to open a door for me (a few weeks ago a guy literally kicked a door open while I was carrying food & the door was about to close). Those things get my attention. But do you know what gets my attention more than anything? Genuine, obvious love for the Lord. A few weeks ago a guy was asked to pray in one of my classes & it was absolutely incredible to me. His love & adoration for the Lord just absolutely glowed in his words. It was amazing. We need more guys like that, & I want one like that.

I want a guy who will step up to his calling as a man. Someone who is actively pursuing a closer relationship with the Lord & thinks that my growth is important too. Someone who values God's desires over his desires to achieve the typical American dream. Someone who isn't necessarily a natural leader, because everyone isn't, but who is willing to at least work towards becoming one, & fulfill his calling as a man of God, even a man after God's own heart. Wouldn't it be amazing if we had more guys like that? But unfortunately, there seems to be a shrinking number of guys like that, & more that want to take shortcuts & do it halfway.

I pray every time I think about it for the guy who God is preparing for me, & that all God's young men would step up to their calling for this generation. So many things are wrong in this world right now, & we need courageous leaders to not only build & lead strong families, but churches & nations as well. We need men of integrity, & men who have an overwhelming passion for the Lord & seeing His work fulfilled. We can't sit by complacently any longer while crucial time is wasted on video games or handed over to addictions that destroy lives & families. As women especially, we also have to step up & encourage this movement in the men around us, & support them as they hopefully stand up to embrace the lives God has for them. Because they can make a difference, & I'd be willing to place a pretty big bet that God is just waiting for them to say those words, "Here am I, send me." They, & we as well, are needed for "such a time as this". Their strength & courage is needed, but coupled with humility & gentleness. Their passion is needed, but coupled with a Godly purpose. And their love is needed, above all, for God & for those living without Him in their lives.

We need to be steadfast in praying & seeking God's will for this generation, today & every day. Because truly, greater things are yet to be done in our homes, in our cities, & in our world if we are willing to answer His call.

No matter where He leads.

People keep asking me what I'm majoring in, what I want to be.

I'm honestly wondering if I will ever find the final answer to that question.

I want to be a hundred different things.
It's hard to pin down one specific thing & first of all want to do that forever, and second of all to know for sure that that's where God will want me forever. Those both seem like difficult things to be sure of, especially at my age.

I want to be in Women's Ministries, I know that. That's where my heart is right now. I would LOVE to do conferences & write books & meet and encourage as many women as I could have access to. I love friends, what would be better than traveling around & hearing amazing stories from incredible women about their lives & being used to somehow encourage them in that? I can't really think of many things, for me at least. This is the realistic goal for me at present. But still...

I want to be an interior designer. I really doubt that this will happen for me as a job. But that doesn't stop me from looking forward with extreme fervor and enthusiasm to owning my own house & decorating it to be simply amazing. Blame my Grandmama Jones for my love of decorating.

I want to be a photographer. Again, I doubt this will happen as a job. However, I absolutely love taking pictures and no matter if I ever do it on any level as a professional, I will ALWAYS take pictures, wherever I go for myself at least. And if someone ever wants to pay me to do that, then I won't turn that down.

I want to be a writer. I love to write. I love writing this blog, I love writing papers for english like a huge nerd, I love writing letters to friends & family & even my future husband. I love writing my thoughts down about a certain day or a certain person just to get things out. I just love writing. I would love to write a book or two, or twenty. If the Lord blessed me with an opportunity to do this, I would take it in a second. And if He provided people who wanted to read what I wrote by their own free will, that would also be wonderful.

I want to be a wonderful cook. I seriously doubt that I have the natural talent to become some master chef with my own Food Network show, but I can follow a recipe pretty well. And people like to eat it. So if I could improve those skills & use them to help land an awesome husband, then I am all for it. And I'm sure that if I do become a better cook, the instinct might come, or at least that's what I'm hoping.

I want to be a singer. This is the number one thing that my mind just screams "It will never happen!" when I even dare to dream about it. But I LOVE to sing. It has always been one of my favorite things to do. If I could get paid to do this, & once again if God provided the people that would support it & want to listen, that would be incredible. I can't imagine anything better than getting paid to do what you love to do.

Above all of these labeled "jobs", I want to be remembered. I want to be a positive influence on lives. I want to be used to accomplish work for the Kingdom. I want to be a happy, loved wife, & a wonderful mother, & the most awesome aunt my nephew & niece (on the way) could ever imagine. I want to be a loyal friend, a loving & treasured sister, & of course a dependable & pride-inducing daughter. But most of all I want to be valued as HIS, to be His "good and faithful servant". I want to know that whatever direction He takes me in, I am following His will & using the blessings He gives me to bless those around me in turn. I want to generously & readily share the joy that He has placed within my heart, & I want to remember that joy as my age climbs & life's challenges bring tinges of heartache. I want to be the maker of a legacy, one that leaves a mark on my part of the world.

And then, I want to be with Him forever. And if I don't get to be a full-time singer until then when I get to spend all of my days of eternity worshipping Him, I'll take it.

(Im)perfection.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

I am realizing more & more everyday my dear friends that I will never be perfect.

For a while I somehow made myself think that someday, I could figure things out. That when I graduated...when I got to college...when I get married...that everything would just be perfect.

That one day I'd wake up. And I would have perfect hair. And the perfect body image, not to mention the perfect body. And I would never say the wrong thing, or be awkward. And I would be completely independent & confident, all the time. I would somehow just have it all worked out.

I have realized I will never be that person.

Because the truth is, I mess up too often to keep track of. I handle things wrong, I say the wrong thing or I don't say anything when I should. My hair gets frizzy usually within 3 minutes of stepping outside. I will never be the thinnest girl in the room. I can't tell a good story to save my life.

And please don't misunderstand me. This isn't a "I hate myself" post like some people do. I know that the Lord has made me exactly the way I am to be used for His wonderful plan. This is more of a "I am so imperfect & yet HE still wants to use me."

Because like it says in the verse at the top, "His power is made perfect in weakness."

For those people that know me best, they know that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I organize things, a lot. I clean a ton too. I try really hard to make good grades. I straighten things that are barely messy. And lately I've been realizing that this is me trying to somehow make up for the loose ends. For the ways that I am not perfect. But I'm realizing that I don't have to try so hard. He already covered my inperfections. He covered my sin on the cross. And best of all,

HIS power is made PERFECT in MY weakness.

When I don't have the words, He does.
When I don't have the strength to stand, He does.
When I don't have what it takes to make a difference, He does.

He works through my shortcomings to show His power. To bring the glory to Himself & not to me.

When I feel like I come up short, it doesn't even matter! Because IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!

No matter where the Lord plans to take me from here, what a blessing it is to know that I don't have to have the answers. I don't have to even have the abilities.

All I have to do is to be willing. And ready to follow His will.

In my imperfections, His plan is made perfect. His power is made perfect. And through growing closer to Him, I get one step closer to fulfilling this command:

Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect."

Here's the challenge today: to find perfection by leaning on Him THROUGH our imperfections!

Therapy session.

Today, I miss lots of things.

I miss my grandmama. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh. I miss her cooking!!!

I miss my little dog who's at home with my parents. I miss him jumping on me in the mornings when my mom would come let him out so I could sleep a few extra minutes. I miss seeing him run up the hill of the front yard when I call him, usually with the tune of "Heart & Soul".

Speaking of my parents, I miss them too. Even though it's only been a week since I've seen them, & they're coming next weekend as well. But I miss them anyway.

I miss my mom's hugs. And her cooking too.

I miss my dad's corny jokes. Hearing them over the phone isn't the same; you can't see him looking to see if you're laughing.

I miss my best friend Lauren from high school. I miss walking to class with her, going out on the weekends, just talking about things. I miss our inside jokes & how comfortable we are with each other. I miss how she could know what I was thinking with just one look.

I miss my brothers. Oh, how I miss my brothers. I haven't seen Alan since January I think. I've seen Jon more recently, about three weeks ago, but even a few days is too much to be apart in my opinion. I miss when we were all growing up and the most serious issues in my life were that they wouldn't leave me alone. I miss family vacations and the horrible fights we had & then eventually getting over it all & having so much fun together. I miss being younger.

I miss my dad's parents. I miss my Papa's smile. I miss him calling me "Miss South Carolina" when I walked in the door when I was younger. I miss him telling me "I guess I'll keep you." I miss his "John Henry" stories about that fish. I miss his voice, and his hugs too. I miss my Grandmama saying "Thomas" really loud because he couldn't hear, even with his hearing aid. I miss her brunswick stew; I still haven't found any that compares. I miss how she always wanted to know everything that was happening in our lives. I even miss living in Georgia where so many people we knew used to know her & I could talk about her. Here, no one knows how amazing she was. I miss my Papa's truck with the red door, the one I got my foot cut on with a chainsaw when us kids were getting turns to drive it in the pasture. I miss the cows on the farm. I miss the house on the farm, & I miss living in it. I miss the horrible wallpaper, the ugly 70's style carpet, and the feeling of home that lived there, & the amazing memories.

I miss when I knew what the day ahead was going to hold. I miss being tired of being around people, since I'm alone way too often these days. I miss being comfortable in my environment, even though that will come with time. I miss knowing everyone in my church, even though that will hopefully come in time too.

I miss my "best adult friends" Mrs. Elaine & Mrs. Lisa, who never fail to encourage me & lend a listening ear to all of my problems, or simply stories of the day.

I miss Atlanta. I miss the food (the Varsity, The Blue Willow...other wonderful places). I miss Madison, even, just a little bit. Just for familiarity's sake.

Of everything that changes in life, God is the only thing that I know will never go anywhere, and neither will His love for me.

Standing on the promises.

Don't wish it all away.

These days, life is moving pretty swiftly. Every day when I wake up in a dorm room instead of my room at home, I'm reminded. Or when I look around in general and realize time & time again that I am in fact in college now. Which is totally crazy to me. My whole life, I had this view of college students and just totally admired them. Of all the people that have been older than me my whole life, I've always looked up to college students and where they were in their lives. And now I'm there. I am one of those people, seemingly waiting for "life to start" and yet already living "the best days of your life".

Even though I'm starting to get used to everything here, and slowly breaking into a routine that's becoming more comfortable, it's still not quite right. Because I don't know yet what's ahead after that. For now, I'm good. I have my classes, I have my work schedule, I have a church to go to. But what about when college is over? It's easy to want to get through this just to know what's coming in the next phase. I've been thinking a lot about where God is going to take me as far as a career, and if my goals, which I believe He has given me the desire to achieve, are even attainable. I was telling Emily about all of this, and about my feelings of inadequacy. I have probably ten "dream jobs" that I would LOVE to be able to do for a living, but I don't feel like I'm good enough, talented enough, etc. Then she looked at me and said something that I will never forget. "You're not!" She continued to say that God doesn't look at ability, but He looks for a willing heart. These are things that I know, but I so quickly forget when I let my worries and insecurities get in the way. I am by nature a worrier. I will worry a situation to DEATH until it's resolved. (I'm working on changing that.) But what I'm realizing is

I will worry away every day of my life if I constantly think about things that are coming. I will miss what I'm living right now, today, if I can't stop wanting things tomorrow to be perfect.

Things aren't perfect in life. They never have been, and never will be. But, every day definitely has its beauty. Every single day that God creates has some sort of value in the story of my life. And when I have a bad day, I might have a wonderful time catching up with a friend. Or when I get bad news, I might be encouraged unexpectedly, and see the Lord fill that need to overflowing.

One thing that the Lord has blessed me with is an eye for detail. I notice the sunrise, and the flowers, and the breeze, and the beauty in seemingly every day things. I can typically pick out something good in most situations. Which takes work, believe me. Because I can just as easily find things to pick apart and criticize. But one time someone talked about how so many details of beauty in the world are simply God telling us He loves us. And when I get a hug from a friend, or when I see a pretty sunset, I feel it. Even when that seems to be the only good thing about a day, that's something. He won't leave you empty.

I've never ever been known for being concise (again, I'm working on it!), but mainly this is all to say, that I don't want to wish away these moments in life. Every season of life is going to have its challenges and things that we'd rather skip over. But in life, the good comes with the bad sometimes. And my goal is to truly, genuinely, ENJOY these years. Even with the challenges, and the worries of growing up and making big decisions, and really stepping out on my own for the first time. To find the wonder in every day, to use those moments to appreciate God and who He is, and to also use them to encourage others. To not only grow, and discover where God is leading me, but to enjoy it all while it's happening. To keep count of His daily blessings, and appreciate them and this life that He's given me.

In the movie Ferris Bueller's Day off, Matthew Broderick's character said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it."

How right he was. And I don't intend to spend one more day worrying about what's coming so much that I miss the beauty of today.

First week of college!

As of today, I've been here at NGU for a week. Which is ridiculous! The days have all run together, but I actually made it through the first week, which is quite an accomplishment. I am relieved beyond measure. But it REALLY has been a good week.

Thursday we left to drive up & we spent the night with my Aunt Jane & Uncle Dan about 45 minutes away from the school. My younger cousin Davin was also staying with them, & she was so cute. When we pulled up she was waiting outside for us, & for dinner she had made namecards for where we should sit. She's going into third grade this year & she's just super cute. Then we got up the next day & got all moved in & I got to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in ages (more on that later), & it was a ridiculously exhausting & HOT day, but went smoothly. And there's a picture of my dorm room on the first day down there for you to see! (it's changed since I've been here, but not much)

The next few days were filled with orientation activities. We had to go to tons of sessions about various things they wanted us to know about, & there was tons of walking & sweating & overall hotness (that's a trend, just heads up). And then on sunday we had church in the chapel, & started a crusade Sunday night with Dr. Frank Cox from Atlanta (represent!) & he preached for two nights & it was awesome. & then Wednesday, first day of classes aka chaos, Clayton King did the message both for chapel & for the crusade Wednesday night, & it was awesome. He did two totally wonderful messages & 50 people ended up getting saved on the very first day of classes. How amazing is that? Such a great start to the year. So that was really great.

Classes have been fine, we've just gone over each classes' syllabus, had to tell everyone where we live 34 times, & started a bit of work in each class. So that's all normal. Also yesterday I started working in the bookstore, which was totally crazy with everyone still buying & returning books but it was good too, I really enjoyed it & I'm super excited to be working in there.

Besides all that boring stuff, I LOVE being up here with all of my old friends! I get to see my best friend Emily almost every day which is so amazing. & there are so many other people I've either gotten to run into or gotten to begin reconnecting with too! So it's just awesome. The weather could improve, but the people I've gotten to either meet or start to reconnect with have all been awesome & I'm so excited to continue making new friends. I'm done with classes for today right now, & my roommate's gone home for the weekend so who knows what I'll do. But thankfully the tv works & I have internet hooked up so I should be able to both get things done & be totally lazy & get some rest. Can't WAIT to sleep in tomorrow, by the way! :)

Anyways, things are great, God is good & I love knowing that I'm right where He wants me to be. I truly believe that I am with all my heart. And I'm so excited about what He's already teaching me & what's He's still going to! I miss my dog Asher terribly as I knew I would, but besides that I'm doing alright so far with being homesick. :) Anyways, whoever you are, if anyone, reading this, keep me in your prayers & keep checking back to see what else is going on & what else God is teaching me!

Dorm room:

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9



Sometimes I feel like a broken record on here. Mostly because my thoughts seem to be like broken records in my head some days, & they tend to recycle themselves & manifest on here in different ways. But today, God revealed some very new things to me, as well as build on some things He had already placed on my heart lately.



My sister in law, her mother, & my nephew came to visit for a few days & we went to the Georgia Aquarium. On the way getting back on the interstate to come home, we passed a sight that's rather typical of downtown Atlanta: a man standing on the side of the road holding a sign on a cut piece of cardboard, reading something along the lines of "Homeless, any help appreciated". As we passed by, I watched him. I saw his face as we, yet another car, passed right on by. I saw his eyes. I saw how discouraged he was, how tired, how exhausted he was in the heat. I know good & well all the things that are said about helping people "like him", those that are asking for money etc on the side of the road, for reasons, or maybe even excuses, that they'll just use it for drugs, alcohol, etc. But I can't help but wonder about his circumstances. I can't help but wonder what brought him to that point; where he woke up this morning, if he's had anything to eat today, where his family is, if they know where he is right now, or if they're somewhere else waiting on him to hopefully get enough money to buy some food to hold them all until tomorrow. I can't help but see the pain in his eyes & want to help. I can't see people like that & not feel so completely overwhelmingly thankful for all that I have & the blessings that the Lord has given me, both large & small. I can't see people like him & not want to tell him about Jesus & try to give him some hope, even when there might not be many other ways I could help.

In preparing for college, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I remember a time, many years ago, when I told my parents I didn't even want to go to college. I remember wanting to just be a stay at home mom, or a teacher, or something typical like that. Or wanting to own my own business to be able to afford a nice big house in a beautiful neighborhood in a beautiful town where everyone speaks with charming southern accents. But then I realized that if those are my goals, I am doing something very wrong. Not that there's anything wrong with having a nice house. But if that's what my life becomes about, there is definitely something wrong. If the desires of my heart are 5 acres & 4000 square feet, I am dreaming small. Because God wants to take me much further than that. The closer I am to God, the more my desires line up with His desires, & His desires are showing me that there is much more to be done than to have a nice normal job & a nice normal family. I want to go where He wants me to go. He has placed a great desire on my heart to help women. Of course I want to help all sorts of people that He places in my life, but I see & hear so many stories of women who are struggling & feeling constantly unvalued & the truth is, they just don't realize how special & wonderful they are & how much their Creator loves them. And I would love to be involved in a ministry to help women who need just a little encouragement & appreciation that they aren't getting, or maybe even more urgent help to escape a dangerous situation. Anything the Lord opens up for me to do. And even if He takes me in a completely different direction, I am confident that I can trust the verse at the top of this post, that He will be with me wherever I go. What an awesome God we serve.

I don't like change. I'm leaving for college in a week & even though I'm going to a town where I've lived before & I'll be super close to tons of people I know & love & trust, I still find things to worry about. I'm nervous about the unknowns that I can't foresee. But I know that the Lord is going to take me many places in life where I can't see ahead to what He's going to do, & that if I'm scared & I avoid taking risks that might take me out of where I'm comfortable & safe, I'll miss out on seeing Him work in incredible ways. And I pray that He makes me uncomfortable. That He takes me out of where I'm safe, away from people I use as security, to truly experience His presence in my day. The way I'm beginning to see it, if I spend every day comfortable, if I avoid everything different & scary, I will miss out on so many blessings. So here's to stepping out on faith. I want to have an open heart & open mind, ready to experience everything that God is going to throw at me that I have no idea about yet. The thing that blows my mind is that all the things that I think I want are nothing compared to what God wants to give me & show me. I just have to be ready to trade my expectations & wants for what HE wants, & be ready to exchange those for things to further His kingdom.

The Lord gave me a heart that feels for other people. I truly feel someone else's hurt when I see it. I have a very tender heart that can't stand to see other people in pain, but it also gives me a great capacity to truly, genuinely care about others & the challenges they're facing. And I want to use the love that has been given me, undeserved, & share it with those who so desperately need it. I want to be a person who gets to truly see God work around me, every day of my life. To experience His presence, & see His divine direction in my life. Because a comfortable life would be so very boring compared to all the amazing things He can do. After all, He is the creator of the universe, & He has promised to be with me, WHEREVER He leads.

What an awesome God we serve.

Family.

Yesterday at our house we had a family reunion. This is not something we have ever done regularly, in fact the only time we really get to see our extended family is weddings & funerals, which is just sad. So this year they finally decided to make it happen & do one, & we had it at our house. Let me just tell you. I have an awesome family.

My dad's side of the family basically all lived super close to each other growing up in Atlanta & they were all really close. My grandmother had quite a few siblings & they were all really close so then their families were too, which is awesome. Now, my grandmama & all her siblings are gone. We have a few wives of her brothers left with us, who are the most amazing great aunts ever, but sadly most of that incredible generation is dying out & taking the party to heaven. Whenever I talk to other people about their families & hear about various struggles & such that exists in their family circles, I am SO THANKFUL for my family. Not only do I have truly amazing parents who I completely adore & love, but they both had amazing parents as well. my grandparents were so incredible. And I know that a lot of people would say that their grandparents are the best, but honestly, I can't believe how lucky I was for God to place me in the family that He did. I have been loved my whole life & that has allowed me to grow into who I am today to be able to go out into the world & share that love with other people that my family has fed into me for my entire life, & most importantly, that stems into them from the love that comes from the most Loving One of all, Jesus.

As I sit here, leaving for college in three weeks, constantly wondering where God is going to take my life, I really just pray that God will use me as He did my grandparents. My mom's dad died before my parents got married so I never got to meet him, but I had three of the most amazing people as my grandparents.

My Papa & Grandmama (my dad's parents) were two of the most precious people I have ever, & will ever, come across. Even though I only knew them when they were much older, I could listen to stories about them & look at pictures all day long. They committed their lives to following Jesus, & they truly shared that love with everyone. I loved it when I moved to Georgia & started going to the church my grandparents had attended for so many years. Papa was still with us then after we moved in after Grandmama died, & it was just such a blessing to get to know so many people that had been touched throughout the years by my Grandmama. She used to buy packs of Juicy Fruit gum in bulk and hand it out to all the kids at church. And she could cook like nobody's business. She and my Papa had a marriage that many have said they try to model their own after, which is one of the highest compliments I could possibly imagine. I remember sitting in Grandmama's hospital room two weeks before she went to be with Jesus. It was the last time I got to see her & she was still able to talk & we were all just sitting around in her hospital room. My Papa was a huge jokester & always joking around & messing with you trying to get you to laugh. And that man LOVED dessert. A piece of lemon pie, Papa's favorite, had come on Grandmama's meal tray, & she had let him have it. They were talking about this to us & we were all laughing about it, & then they looked at each other. That look that I saw was the most loving, adoring look I've ever witnessed in my life, & one that has never left me. Not only did they have an amazing love for each other, but they loved me. Whenever we came to visit they just wanted to hear all about what was going on in our lives. As kids, we got bored a whole lot easier & weren't very interested in sitting around & talking for a few hours after we ate. But I will never forget how very interested they were in our lives. I could go on for hours about them. But I had another wonderful Grandmama, too.

My mom's mom, also called Grandmama, was one of my favorite people on this entire planet until her death last September. The whole time I knew her, my mom's dad was already gone but there was nothing lacking on that side of the family. My Grandmama was always cooking. She taught me how to make many of the things I love to cook. I got a love for cooking on both sides. I used to go stay at her house every summer by myself for at least a week, many times two. We had the most fun going to Waffle House for breakfast, going swimming in her neighborhood pool, going to pet stores to see puppies, & just talking. I loved her laugh, & she laughed a lot. Even though she was without my grandfather, she still stayed so active in her community & in the lives of so many people. I will never forget the procession line at her funeral on the way to the burial. The cars went as far back as you could see, on a very long straight road. She loved SO much, & so many people loved her. I loved her, & I know she loved me, & I was so very lucky to have her for the almost 18 years that I did.

A lot of times I feel extremely jealous of my friends. Lots of friends have families that live nearby. They get to see them often, they go on vacations together, they have all their grandparents & many times great grandparents too. But when I feel like that, I just try & remember how extremely blessed I was to have these wonderful people in my life. To have these incredible examples of love for others & loving Jesus; hearts that trusted God & prayed often; hearts that suffered many many trials but remained faithful & steadfast in their walks with God. People that loved me so very much. People that raised their children, my parents, to love me & encourage me, & to love Jesus & follow Him all the days of their lives, & who have instilled that love & truth into me.

Yesterday getting to see all my dad's cousins & family, & hearing their laughter sing throughout the entire house, & enjoying stories of years gone by now, I felt so completely blessed simply to know these people, but especially to be related to them. God is so good.

How great the Father's love is for us. How great His love is for me, that He would not only send His son to die on the cross for me, but that He would bless me so richly as well. That he has created so many wonderful things in this world to draw me to Himself, because He loves me. Without His love, we couldn't know love ourselves, & I am so thankful to know that love, & to have opportunities that I know are coming in the years ahead, to share that love with others that He loves also.

Whoever reads this, thank you. Even if no one does, I'm glad I wrote this because it's always good to sit & be reminded of how good God is, & how richly blessed I am. Thank God for family. Now, get off the computer & go spend some time with yours. :)

Taylor Swift.

This week I took a four day trip to visit a wonderful friend of mine in Nashville, TN. It was my first time to that part of Tennessee at least, & let me tell you, it is BEAUTIFUL over there. The atmosphere is amazing, the scenery is beautiful, both natural & manmade. All around a wonderful place. It was a really great trip, full of LOTS of singing in the car (5 hours of driving alone will do that), lots of riding in the car while we're on the car subject, & lots of laughing with Kristen! Since I was going to Nashville, I of course had hopes of seeing a few famous people, mainly one. And the people that know me the best of anyone know that that person is Taylor Swift. I just think she's just about the greatest person out there right now, & I love her personality, her style, her songs, & just everything about her. I went to her concert in Greenville, SC in September & it was incredible, & we came THIS close to meeting her but didn't get to. So I was disappointed but really hoped that I would get to later. So then since I was going to Nashville I hoped I would get to see her since she's not touring right now. But I knew that the chances were very small & I had pretty much put it out of my mind. So Tuesday, Kristen & I went to meet a lovely friend of hers & her sister for lunch & then went to downtown Franklin to this cute little frozen yogurt place called Sweet CeCe's. Being the Taylor Swift fanatic that I am, I actually recognized it from pictures she had put up in her blog before & so I was already just happy to be somewhere I knew she liked to go to. We were all just sitting there enjoying our delicious frozen yogurt & chatting when Kristen says "There's Taylor Swift." I immediately looked up & goodness gracious would you believe it, there she was. All I remember is that my mouth dropped open, & my hands immediately started shaking! I was that excited. I sat there & stared at her as she spoke to the lady behind her in line who was telling her how much she enjoyed her music, & she continued through the line. She was unfortunately in a hurry & was being rushed through by her bodyguard, probably to get back for her live webcast that was happening that day to talk about her new album, so I didn't get a chance to get a picture with her or talk to her. Either way, it was such a cool experience to see her that close while I was in Nashville & I've been excited since then, & today's Saturday now. :)

I normally don't do blogs that are so memory-based, how my day was type things. But I needed to do this one so I could remember it, & look back & know that it actually happened. :) So, for me & no one else, yes, I really did see Taylor Swift, & it was awesome. & next time I see her, I'll have a picture of us together & not just one of her back. :)

Birds & other beautiful things.

The people that are closest to me know that I have a thing with birds. I love them. They're so beautiful to me. That's one of my favorite things about the beach, is the birds that fly around & hang out on the beach, I always come back with tons of pictures of them. My friends have made fun of me before because I'm always pointing out birds that I think are pretty, but really, I just love them. I love how many different types of birds there are, & their different colors, & how much they vary from species to species. It's one of those things about God's creation that just amazes me. And they're such a reminder of God's provision. In Matthew 6:26 it says "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, & yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they?" The Lord cares enough for the birds that He created & He provides for them unfailingly. And He loved me enough to send His son to die on the cross, so of course He'll provide for me too. I just love that reminder.
But anyway, back to where I was going with this, I was sitting on my front porch watching my dog play, & a beautiful cardinal flew over to a tree in our front yard. I got to admire it for a few minutes until Asher spotted it & decided to chase it away. But I just loved getting to see it, even for just a short minute, because beautiful things like that just remind me of how amazing God is. He created this whole earth for us to enjoy. Even though we've messed it up in many, many, many ways, He still loves us & allows us to enjoy His creation, & I love how it just draws my mind back to how amazing God is when I see things like that. Especially when you focus on looking for ways to spot God throughout your day, the world becomes so much more beautiful. Every beautiful part of this earth is just a reminder of God's love for us & His grace, that even though I mess up daily, & some days I feel like I can't do anything right, God still loves me. And He reminds me of that in countless ways, whether it's encouragement from a friend, a beautiful sunset, sweet words from a little kid, or even a pretty bird.

We serve an amazing God, & I'm so thankful to be His.

Life.

The summer after high school is proving to be an eventful one. Between mini road trips to see friends, family things like weddings & funerals, hanging out at home being glad that I don't have any homework to do, working when I get the chance & hanging out with friends, I've been always doing something. Or not doing anything & letting that count as something just because it can.

Everyone you talk to wants to know a few simple questions. Where you're going to school. What you're going to study. When you leave. My mom wants to know what else I need. What clothes we need to buy. There's a lot of planning happening since I leave in less than 6 weeks. And besides that sort of planning, there's tons of planning for what I'm going to do once I get there. My schedule is set, major undeclared since I have no idea what I'm going to study just yet. But I still think every day about what I'm going to do, what the future will hold. My whole school year last year was planning oriented. Planning where to go to school, how to pay for it, what scholarships to apply for & when they were due, when senior events were, paying for aforementioned senior events...the list goes on. And now. Graduation is over. High school is done. Check, check. Now it's on to the next thing.

I feel like all I do lately is check off one thing & immediately look forward to the next. That's why life seems to be speeding up because at this age we're all so focused on what's coming. It's a series of countdowns. Starting with the countdown to high school, then to your license, then to prom, then to graduation, all with plenty of breaks and summer vacations mixed in there too. Then it's a countdown to college, & everything that comes after. AKA the rest of your life. Not to be dramatic of course. Yeah, right.

As a planning personality, I make lists alllll day long. Not that everything gets accomplished but I make lists and I plan what to wear & where I'm going & who I'll see. I try to anticipate things so I can plan for them. And now I'm left with feeling that so many things were planned for, looked forward to & are over & done with now. Everything that had to be endured to make it to independence & college are checked off the list. And now? Now comes the waiting. Waiting to move in, waiting to meet my roommate, waiting to start this new chapter in my life. I feel like the possibilities of where God could take my life right now are seriously endless. And I'm just waiting on things to happen, for "real life" to start. And I feel like this every day, like I'm just filling the time until actual things start happening.

Then I realized it. Yes, this is a new chapter. Yes, new & exciting days are coming where things will happen that have never happened before in my life & regular events will have new spins on them in my newfound independence.

But I've already had 18 1/2 years on this planet. I couldn't have gotten to this point, to be ready to go out on my own ready for whatever life will bring without everything before. Every person that I've encountered has affected me & touched me in one way or another. Whether it was people I didn't like, people I loved, or my precious grandparents whose lives are now only left as a memory, everything & everyone has made a difference. Trials, deaths, moving, storms, tears; it's all worked together to prepare me for things to come.

Earlier, as I sat out on my deck looking up at the most incredible display of stars I've seen, I thought "This is it. This IS life." There is no skipping the boring parts to get to the good days. There isn't any editing out the hard stuff. Together it all creates a beautiful picture. And I only hope that God is far from finished creating my days. Good & bad & everything in between, I want to live in a way that takes it all together & appreciates the value of every second. Every heartbeat. Every smile. Because we can't just sit around & wait for life to start or we'll miss the life we're living. Carpe diem.

Good enough.

It's amazing to me how critical we as people are of each other. And this isn't something I'm separating myself from to notice, I'm as guilty as anyone. We critique & criticize each other for how our hair looks, our clothes, how smart we are, how much money we have, what kind of car we have...the list goes on forever. This is one aspect of our world that we could definitely do without, & further than that, we could CHANGE THE WORLD if it were different.
I was thinking about a certain situation earlier with a former close guy friend who decided to tell me things I should change about myself that would make guys like me more. What's sad is that I actually considered taking some of those things & trying to change them, even though I told him at the time that someone shouldn't love me only for physical attributes (which is where most of his focus was), but for who I am. Regardless of my feelings even then, sometimes I still think about ways that in his eyes, I didn't measure up. In hindsight I realize how absurd this is. If the God of the Universe sent His one and only Son to die for me, when I was a wretched sinner, if I was good enough for Him, how can another sinner tell me that I won't be good enough unless I meet certain criteria & standards? The media is bombarding young women with ways to be thinner, prettier, ways to go after guys, ways to make them go after you...the problem is, they're teaching girls to improve things that won't attract the type of guy that they should want to be with! The problem is though, & this opens up a whole other topic, these girls are searching for love in the wrong ways, & in the wrong places. Just as Jesus thought I was good enough from the beginning, He LOVED me from the beginning. He can't love me more than He does right now. That's so hard to comprehend, yet so amazing. It's unfathomable. I love having a God who's so big & amazing that even I as a believer can't understand it. Once you can grasp this, that God is the only source of real, true, unfailing love, you start to see other things differently. I gave up on dating a while ago. I didn't want to live under the pressure of having someone to feel like I'm worth something. And the wonderful thing is that I'm finally at an age where I love myself. Not that I always love everything ABOUT myself, but I love MYSELF as a whole. God made me the way He made me for reasons that only He knows, & He wants me to use the way I am to impact the world for His glory! When you think about your identity like that, & stop trying to figure out why you don't measure up to the world's standards (since God's standards are much better anyway), it changes your whole outlook. As far as girls go, rock what you've got! I will be the first to admit it takes a while to truly find who that person is, & even then you're constantly changing, but don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. If you're good enough for Jesus, that's the only good enough you need to measure up to. And let's face it, He wouldn't have died for us if He didn't think so. Although the world might not always think we're what we should be, we ALWAYS have a place to go where we are totally loved & accepted. All this isn't to say that we should just say, "Well, Jesus made me this way! Can't change it!" There is nothing wrong with improving yourself for the right reasons, say, to live a healthier lifestyle, because things like that can totally help you to be more effective for Christ. But let's let go of the standards that no one should be asked to reach. There is such a thing as individuals to celebrate God's creativity, & if we were all the same, that would be much harder to find in the human race.
At school every day I see tons of people yelling at each other, being rude, being inconsiderate, talking back to teachers, sarcasm running rampant in conversations, hurtful remarks made behind other's backs (& once again I'm not excluding myself from being guilty). Then today when I had a pretty awful day, I had not one, but two people open doors for me. And not just holding it open behind them but stepping in front of me to open the door, & within the same trip to class. This impressed me so much. But it also made me sad to realize that a simple act of being considerate is so rare that I'm that impressed. Our culture, especially young people, are so entitled, so caught up in their own worlds, so accomodated by adults for their every wish & desire, that they don't even think about other people! There is so much wrong with this. We need to stop looking in the mirror in front of our faces & instead look through the window to see what we should do to help others right there in front of us. There are ways every day that we can take advantage of to help other people, which is not only helpful to them, but rewarding to us! Jesus wants us to be a caring people, to love one another. Let's start showing it. You know the Love Dare? From Fireproof? In that movie it's to improve marriages, but I think we should adopt something like that in our relationships with other people. Go out of your way every day to make someone else feel better, to compliment them, to help them if they're having a bad day. A little goes a long way.
This has been a little hodgepodge of thoughts, if you made it through to the end! I hope you got something out of it, know that you're not alone, & I hope that you'll help me try to make a difference in the easiest ways possible, by encouraging our fellow human beings!



Shine!

Blessings galore.

It's amazing how God humbles you sometimes.
I've been sitting here reading a blog that I found through a friend who knows a man who was recently diagnosed with cancer. He, & more recently his wife, posts about their daily struggles & small triumphs as they fight his battle for life. (www.teamemmett.com if you want to check it out, or donate money)
In the past weeks, my biggest struggles have been trying to find a prom dress & getting money for a spring break trip. Even trying to get money to cover college seems so insignificant right now as I read his blog. In my life I like to think that I try & think of others, but really, I just realize time and time again how selfish I am. All I ever think about is how things affect me, & I lose track so many times of things that really really matter. Like life. How many days go by without us even THINKING that we are so lucky to breathe? It's like we only notice things to be thankful for when something goes wrong with them. If I can't breathe one day then when I regain that ability will be the only day I'm thankful to be able to breathe, & then it's back to not thinking about it. If I don't have money to buy food & then somehow aquire money to buy some, I'm only thankful for it when it's hard to come by. Why don't we take more time to actually sit & think about the blessings that we consider to be small, insignificant entitlements, & thank God for them as the real blessings that they are? We always learn more through struggles, when we HAVE to draw near to God to make it through. Why don't we draw near to Him more when things are good, when food and blessings are plentiful? Because we don't "need" Him. Oh, how wrong that is.
In a generation that seems to feel entitled to everything they could possibly want, we need more people to look at things a different way. To notice the sunsets, the birds singing, the simple extravagance of clean water that so many people worldwide are going without, the fellowship and encouragement of our family and friends who are there to share it all with us, & be truly thankful. It shouldn't take the absense of good things to make us realize how great they were. "You don't know what you've got until it's gone", they say. Let's know how good we've got it while we've got it. Let's not wait for something bad to happen to make us thankful for the good. Let's focus on building thankful hearts that praise our beautiful God from whom ALL blessings flow. God doesn't have to give us breath, but He does. He didn't have to send Jesus to die for us, but He did. He loves us that much. It amazes me that when Jesus died, He was thinking of ME. Along with everyone else in the world, but still, if it had just been me alone, He still would have died for me because He loves me that much. How can we not be thankful for that? If someone took a bullet for you, or pulled you out of oncoming traffic, or rescued you from the floods around you, wouldn't you be thankful? Any person would say yes. So, why aren't we more thankful to Jesus? Because we don't "need" Him right now? Why should we wait until things get bad, until death is knocking on the door, until the money runs out, until some unimaginable tragedy happens, to need Him? He doesn't need us, He's God. But He WANTS us. Is that incredible to anyone else besides me? He gives us problems to show that He can solve them. But He can also work in the little parts of our lives to show the world that He loves us through it all, not just when we turn to Him in desperation. We serve an awesome God who is there through EVERYTHING. He knows us better than we know ourselves, & amazingly, loves us still.
This was probably more rambling than I was aiming for, but all in all, God is amazing. He shows me things daily that open my eyes wider to see more than the small "world" around me, & see His whole creation, & find His glory & frequently, His incredible blessings and love for us that are all around if we take the time to notice.
Notice some small blessings today. Take five minutes, lay down in silence, & listen to yourself breathe. Let's stop taking it for granted. Let's realize what we have, & use it for His glory. He gave it all to us, anyway.