In this season.

Many times it's hard to wait to reach a dream. Other times it can be hard to find one. Right now I'm in the middle of the latter. 

Last year I was incredibly blessed by so many experiences. I graduated college, had one of the best summers of my life at camp with amazing friends, and then followed God all the way to the other side of the country where I had adventures and made more friends and fell in love with a class of kindergarteners (who I still think about everyday). When I was in the middle of it, going from one thing to the next, I didn't realize at all the impact it would all have. 

Now I'm just another 23 year old working forty hours a week and trying to figure out what to do with her life. Nothing is totally clear anymore. I don't know where I'm going. I know that God will lead me wherever that is, but lately instead of figuring out how to make dreams happen, I'm just praying that God will give me a new dream. A new road to travel, and a new purpose. This season of waiting has been one of the most challenging periods of my life so far. Because I know now what it's like to work as hard as you can and know that your work has a deeper purpose. I know what it's like to build relationships over time and see the growth that God brings. I know what it feels like to be stretched outside of my comfort zone. And while that is uncomfortable, I know how good it feels to reach the end of a season and look back to see how much you learned. And I know that God hasn't pushed me aside or forgotten. He's still got a plan that I just can't see right now. 

I trust that God is in control. I believe with all my heart that He lets nothing happen without a purpose. And it's as important to figure out what you don't want to do as what you do want to do. So I will rest in that. I'll keep getting up and going to work. And I'll be ready when He's ready to lead me into the next season. 

Tune in.

My old roommate/soul sister would tell you that I tend to sigh a lot. I sigh when I'm stressed, and when I'm overwhelmed...and when I can't find the show I want on Netflix. And lately, for many different reasons, I've been doing a lot of sighing.

I've been doing a lot of trying to keep my head above water these days, as I adjust to a new town, all the pressures of a new full time job in a brand new industry, and a new phase of life without any of my best friends being within easy distance. It can be a lot to handle. When the stresses pile up, our brains sometimes go into overdrive. I know mine does. I will keep telling myself that when ______ happens, it will be easier. When I'm more settled. When I meet new friends that I get close to. When I find a job, or start my own business, that means something to me. When I cross this hurdle, or meet that goal. 

But the problem with that, is that it turns into living in the future when your mind is caught up in "eventually". And the problem with living in the future, is that you aren't as tuned in to how you could be living now. 

Oh how quickly I forget that it's not all about me. 

I could choose to wait until I meet whoever, or find whatever, or work wherever, to be content. I can feel sorry for myself that I'm not exactly where I want to be yet. But here I encounter a little beast called "self-obsession". How many things do I overlook when I'm only inwardly focused on what I wish I had? How many opportunities do I not even see because I'm looking ten years into the future when the doors are open right in front of me? How many lives could I touch or allow to enter into community with mine, but I don't see them right in front of my face? 

All I know is that I want to be tuned in. I want to first be in community with the Savior of my soul. The one who gave me this life to live. And He will lead others into it as He chooses in order to bring glory to Himself. I want to first work toward building my trust in His plan, rather than obsessively trying to fit the pieces together on my own. I want to first give all of my energy and efforts towards being His hands and feet, and pointing others towards Christ, rather than working pointlessly to draw people to myself. 

Of all the words I could write, of all the songs I could sing, of all the stories I could invent...

the story He invites me into is so incredibly more beautiful. I can see only a snippet of the story He's writing, while He can see how everything works together. Why don't I trust Him enough to lead me on the plan He has for me? 

May we trust Him, and love Him, ever more. And may the breath He gives us be used not to complain or to worry, but to praise Him and to tell others how truly wonderful He is. The world is waiting for a different message. One void of empty promises, and one that provides the answers that we so desperately need: we are loved, and the One who loves us offers us so much hope and meaning into our lives. If we allow ourselves to get stuck in "what if" and "eventually", we will miss out on living the now. And He has so much living for us to do, right now. 

So take a deep breath and lean in. He's got quite a story to tell.