Sometimes I get so caught up. And I don't get caught up in things that are actually going on in my life, but I get caught up in wondering what in the world is going to happen in the future. Like a year from now, for example, when I actually need to probably have some sort of direction of where I want to go.
The world that we live in constantly throws images at us that show us how perfect our lives should be. Pinterest has me in a constant state of dreaming of how I can live in a perfectly organized, beautiful house, complete with whimsical nooks and hidden hideaways, and designer furniture. Don't even get me started on how Pinterest makes me want to travel for the rest of my life and never come home. Facebook tries to show me how wonderful the lives of all my friends are (I could write an entire blog just on this). The point is, we kind of always want more. And as a college student who is one year away from completion, I'm in a constant state of wondering exactly how to get it all. Of course, I know in my heart that the stuff doesn't matter. But being happy does. At my very core is a constant fear that I will look back in 50 years and regret all of the experiences that I never had. So here I am, past 1 AM on a Thursday night, worrying about this very thing. Wondering how I will choose the right job, or choose how to continue my education after I graduate from North Greenville, or God forbid how to choose the right husband (again...another blog could be written).
The thing is, underneath all of my worrying, and feeling as if don't measure up, and wondering if I ever will, is a voice that pushes through. From behind all the rest of it comes a voice that reminds me that "There is more." And I know that. I know that in my heart there is so much more. The stuff doesn't matter. The house won't matter. All the temporary things WON'T MATTER. What will matter are the relationships, and the memories of how I felt about the things that I did. Which leaves me with the choices of what I will do.
For now, I don't know what I'll do. I have no idea where I will be a year from now, besides the fact that I will have graduated college. I don't want to predict anything more than that, because I have seen in the last year more than any other just how much one's life can change in a short amount of time. I do know, however, that a year from now, there will still be more important things than what job I take and where I live. My relationship with my Creator will still outweigh everything else. That is where my focus needs to be; not on trying to figure things out, but on getting to know Him more every day, and letting Him show me the way to go.
I know that I can't be alone in feeling like I don't measure up to where I'm supposed to be. And the thing is, I'm thankful for it because it pushes me to strive to grow. But I also hope that I don't always feel this way. I hope that I can push through these distractions, and learn more and more to focus on what really matters. And that isn't having the picture perfect life; it's living the story that God has written just for me. When Jesus breaks through the chaos and whispers to you that there is "more than this," don't ignore it. Believe it. And trust Him to show you what all of that "more" is.
