I've been doing a lot of trying to keep my head above water these days, as I adjust to a new town, all the pressures of a new full time job in a brand new industry, and a new phase of life without any of my best friends being within easy distance. It can be a lot to handle. When the stresses pile up, our brains sometimes go into overdrive. I know mine does. I will keep telling myself that when ______ happens, it will be easier. When I'm more settled. When I meet new friends that I get close to. When I find a job, or start my own business, that means something to me. When I cross this hurdle, or meet that goal.
But the problem with that, is that it turns into living in the future when your mind is caught up in "eventually". And the problem with living in the future, is that you aren't as tuned in to how you could be living now.
Oh how quickly I forget that it's not all about me.
I could choose to wait until I meet whoever, or find whatever, or work wherever, to be content. I can feel sorry for myself that I'm not exactly where I want to be yet. But here I encounter a little beast called "self-obsession". How many things do I overlook when I'm only inwardly focused on what I wish I had? How many opportunities do I not even see because I'm looking ten years into the future when the doors are open right in front of me? How many lives could I touch or allow to enter into community with mine, but I don't see them right in front of my face?
All I know is that I want to be tuned in. I want to first be in community with the Savior of my soul. The one who gave me this life to live. And He will lead others into it as He chooses in order to bring glory to Himself. I want to first work toward building my trust in His plan, rather than obsessively trying to fit the pieces together on my own. I want to first give all of my energy and efforts towards being His hands and feet, and pointing others towards Christ, rather than working pointlessly to draw people to myself.
Of all the words I could write, of all the songs I could sing, of all the stories I could invent...
the story He invites me into is so incredibly more beautiful. I can see only a snippet of the story He's writing, while He can see how everything works together. Why don't I trust Him enough to lead me on the plan He has for me?
May we trust Him, and love Him, ever more. And may the breath He gives us be used not to complain or to worry, but to praise Him and to tell others how truly wonderful He is. The world is waiting for a different message. One void of empty promises, and one that provides the answers that we so desperately need: we are loved, and the One who loves us offers us so much hope and meaning into our lives. If we allow ourselves to get stuck in "what if" and "eventually", we will miss out on living the now. And He has so much living for us to do, right now.
So take a deep breath and lean in. He's got quite a story to tell.
