California.

When I was approaching graduation from college earlier this year, I knew what I did not want to do after I finished. I did not want to go home to my parents and find a job just to get me through. I didn't want to feel like I was settling for what would be easy. I didn't want to waste the time. I had no idea what that would mean, or look like, or what I would find, but I had confidence that I would find something.

I looked into internships with camps and other businesses and organizations all over the country. Nothing clicked. I looked, but thankfully didn't panic. The panicking never helps ease the pressure of making decisions that could change your life forever. I try to remember that.

One day I was at work at the bookstore and my boss Sharon got an email about an internship at a church in Tahoe City, California. She googled a picture right then, and something clicked. I texted my dad right then, and told him I had heard about an internship that sounded like a good option, and I thought I would apply. Fast forward a few weeks, and bam. I found out I was moving to California. I cried in my dorm room after I got that voicemail in absolute disbelief. It seemed like a dream.

After one of the most wonderful summers at Camp Greystone, I spent four days doing laundry and packing, and then I got on a plane. I flew across the country, got off at LAX, and had never felt so alive and simultaneously alone in my life.

After orientation and a final week of A+'s summer program, we started the real shebang. I don't remember how many kindergarteners I had on that first day. I just remember feeling so overwhelmed that I wanted to cry. I had no idea what I was doing. I am not a teacher. I have a business degree, and corraling five year olds is not a topic in accounting class.

It took weeks of adjusting, and getting to know my kids before I started to settle in. It took daily encouragement from my team to help me see that I could do it. It took learning what in the world centers were, and how to make them happen with anywhere from ten to seventeen kids. But little by little, it's come together. Through every mistake. Through every curveball.

When I chose to come, I knew nothing of the task before me. I wanted adventure, and I got it. I've seen beautiful places. And I've made some amazing friends. But I also have seen these kids grow and learn every day. I love seeing them, and hearing the hilarious and unexpected things they say. And most of all I love getting to tell them how much Jesus loves them.

I am grateful for this place, and the fact that there is a place where the most precious little people can come after school, have fun, and hear biblical truth. I am grateful to know them, and sometimes just watching them play and laugh, I am so overcome with love for them I could cry. Sometimes the greatest adventure is not hiking a huge mountain, or moving across the country, but giving your heart away every day, a little bit at a time. It's following God where He leads, and trusting that the uncertainty along the way will be worth what is ultimately revealed.

I don't know my next step when I leave this place. But I do know that I will forever carry the love and life lessons that a little tribe of kindergarteners and a wonderful church congregation brought my way. When you love people, God is glorified. May we never lose sight of that. And may God give me the grace to always lean into the adventure.

Moments and conversations.

A few weeks ago I was home for spring break. I drove my dad to Atlanta to see my mom sing with the Jubalheirs at Wieuca Road Baptist Church (sidenote: possibly the most beautiful church on the inside that I’ve ever seen.)

It was the first night I was home, and the first time I had been home the whole semester. During that time, my parents have been dealing with several things, mainly adjusting to life as/with a stroke victim. My dad had another stroke a few weeks before I came home, and it affected his vision. He had to quit his job, and he made the decision to stop driving for his and everyone else’s safety (which is why I was driving him to Atlanta).

The concert was beautiful, and the lights in the church were so pretty. Before we found the sanctuary, we walked around completely confused about how to get there from the parking garage. We definitely have been living in the country for too long. But we found it, and the concert was great.

We were driving home, and I was so happy to be back and see them. But, also I was just seeing for myself how the strokes had recently affected him.

While I was driving, my dad and I were talking. And he asked me about what I wanted to do after college. And we talked about how it’s been hard for me to not really connect and feel at home with a church since we left Centennial. And he asked me about how I feel about being single. No one ever asks me how I actually feel about that.

And we talked about my mom. He talked about how he dated some girls in college, but he said “It was fine, we went out and had fun. But it wasn’t like I couldn’t breathe. When I met your mom…that’s when I couldn’t breathe.”

He loves her so much. And he loves my brothers and me so much. And I love him so much. Even the possibility of being in a world without him someday scares me to my core. But, we can't live in fear of what may or may not happen. If we do, we'll miss out on what's right in front of us while we're consumed with "what ifs". You don't want to miss the little moments and conversations that seem simple but are actually precious and irreplaceable.

I am so glad to have a renewed thankfulness for having him around because of this season in our lives. It is so easy to take each other for granted, and to think that nothing will ever change, and that your family will be around forever. But there are only so many chances to drive back at night from Atlanta and talk about life with your dad.

No matter how many years I have left with my dad, I will be grateful for every single one. He has taught me so much by how he lives and by being true to who he is, and I respect and love him immensely. I am incredibly blessed by how he loves me, and thankful for the questions that he asks and how he cares about how I really feel.

He has been such a picture of God’s love in my life. I don’t ever want to fail to realize what I have in my earthly father.

When I left to come back to school, he hugged me a little tighter than usual. And he said “I love you. Don’t ever forget that. When you’re having a bad day, just know that I love you.”

And that’s really all that I need to know.