Life.

The summer after high school is proving to be an eventful one. Between mini road trips to see friends, family things like weddings & funerals, hanging out at home being glad that I don't have any homework to do, working when I get the chance & hanging out with friends, I've been always doing something. Or not doing anything & letting that count as something just because it can.

Everyone you talk to wants to know a few simple questions. Where you're going to school. What you're going to study. When you leave. My mom wants to know what else I need. What clothes we need to buy. There's a lot of planning happening since I leave in less than 6 weeks. And besides that sort of planning, there's tons of planning for what I'm going to do once I get there. My schedule is set, major undeclared since I have no idea what I'm going to study just yet. But I still think every day about what I'm going to do, what the future will hold. My whole school year last year was planning oriented. Planning where to go to school, how to pay for it, what scholarships to apply for & when they were due, when senior events were, paying for aforementioned senior events...the list goes on. And now. Graduation is over. High school is done. Check, check. Now it's on to the next thing.

I feel like all I do lately is check off one thing & immediately look forward to the next. That's why life seems to be speeding up because at this age we're all so focused on what's coming. It's a series of countdowns. Starting with the countdown to high school, then to your license, then to prom, then to graduation, all with plenty of breaks and summer vacations mixed in there too. Then it's a countdown to college, & everything that comes after. AKA the rest of your life. Not to be dramatic of course. Yeah, right.

As a planning personality, I make lists alllll day long. Not that everything gets accomplished but I make lists and I plan what to wear & where I'm going & who I'll see. I try to anticipate things so I can plan for them. And now I'm left with feeling that so many things were planned for, looked forward to & are over & done with now. Everything that had to be endured to make it to independence & college are checked off the list. And now? Now comes the waiting. Waiting to move in, waiting to meet my roommate, waiting to start this new chapter in my life. I feel like the possibilities of where God could take my life right now are seriously endless. And I'm just waiting on things to happen, for "real life" to start. And I feel like this every day, like I'm just filling the time until actual things start happening.

Then I realized it. Yes, this is a new chapter. Yes, new & exciting days are coming where things will happen that have never happened before in my life & regular events will have new spins on them in my newfound independence.

But I've already had 18 1/2 years on this planet. I couldn't have gotten to this point, to be ready to go out on my own ready for whatever life will bring without everything before. Every person that I've encountered has affected me & touched me in one way or another. Whether it was people I didn't like, people I loved, or my precious grandparents whose lives are now only left as a memory, everything & everyone has made a difference. Trials, deaths, moving, storms, tears; it's all worked together to prepare me for things to come.

Earlier, as I sat out on my deck looking up at the most incredible display of stars I've seen, I thought "This is it. This IS life." There is no skipping the boring parts to get to the good days. There isn't any editing out the hard stuff. Together it all creates a beautiful picture. And I only hope that God is far from finished creating my days. Good & bad & everything in between, I want to live in a way that takes it all together & appreciates the value of every second. Every heartbeat. Every smile. Because we can't just sit around & wait for life to start or we'll miss the life we're living. Carpe diem.