These days, life is moving pretty swiftly. Every day when I wake up in a dorm room instead of my room at home, I'm reminded. Or when I look around in general and realize time & time again that I am in fact in college now. Which is totally crazy to me. My whole life, I had this view of college students and just totally admired them. Of all the people that have been older than me my whole life, I've always looked up to college students and where they were in their lives. And now I'm there. I am one of those people, seemingly waiting for "life to start" and yet already living "the best days of your life".
Even though I'm starting to get used to everything here, and slowly breaking into a routine that's becoming more comfortable, it's still not quite right. Because I don't know yet what's ahead after that. For now, I'm good. I have my classes, I have my work schedule, I have a church to go to. But what about when college is over? It's easy to want to get through this just to know what's coming in the next phase. I've been thinking a lot about where God is going to take me as far as a career, and if my goals, which I believe He has given me the desire to achieve, are even attainable. I was telling Emily about all of this, and about my feelings of inadequacy. I have probably ten "dream jobs" that I would LOVE to be able to do for a living, but I don't feel like I'm good enough, talented enough, etc. Then she looked at me and said something that I will never forget. "You're not!" She continued to say that God doesn't look at ability, but He looks for a willing heart. These are things that I know, but I so quickly forget when I let my worries and insecurities get in the way. I am by nature a worrier. I will worry a situation to DEATH until it's resolved. (I'm working on changing that.) But what I'm realizing is
I will worry away every day of my life if I constantly think about things that are coming. I will miss what I'm living right now, today, if I can't stop wanting things tomorrow to be perfect.
Things aren't perfect in life. They never have been, and never will be. But, every day definitely has its beauty. Every single day that God creates has some sort of value in the story of my life. And when I have a bad day, I might have a wonderful time catching up with a friend. Or when I get bad news, I might be encouraged unexpectedly, and see the Lord fill that need to overflowing.
One thing that the Lord has blessed me with is an eye for detail. I notice the sunrise, and the flowers, and the breeze, and the beauty in seemingly every day things. I can typically pick out something good in most situations. Which takes work, believe me. Because I can just as easily find things to pick apart and criticize. But one time someone talked about how so many details of beauty in the world are simply God telling us He loves us. And when I get a hug from a friend, or when I see a pretty sunset, I feel it. Even when that seems to be the only good thing about a day, that's something. He won't leave you empty.
I've never ever been known for being concise (again, I'm working on it!), but mainly this is all to say, that I don't want to wish away these moments in life. Every season of life is going to have its challenges and things that we'd rather skip over. But in life, the good comes with the bad sometimes. And my goal is to truly, genuinely, ENJOY these years. Even with the challenges, and the worries of growing up and making big decisions, and really stepping out on my own for the first time. To find the wonder in every day, to use those moments to appreciate God and who He is, and to also use them to encourage others. To not only grow, and discover where God is leading me, but to enjoy it all while it's happening. To keep count of His daily blessings, and appreciate them and this life that He's given me.
In the movie Ferris Bueller's Day off, Matthew Broderick's character said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it."
How right he was. And I don't intend to spend one more day worrying about what's coming so much that I miss the beauty of today.
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