Some exciting news...da da da daaah! I got into college last week. Last friday, actually, & I have a great scholarship opportunity (Pray that that comes through, by the way). I'm totally not having any doubts about this school because I'm totally excited to go there & especially to live close to my best friend again, that is definitely such a plus, but I'm getting old & college makes me think about it. I've been thinking a lot, as I enter my last four months of high school, have I done all I could do? Have I been the witness I could have been to all these people that I'm with every day? Have I shown God's love in everything I say? Have I been all I could be? & the answer, unfortunately, to all these questions, is no. Have I done absolutely everything I could do? No. I could say I had but that wouldn't be honest. But the wonderful thing is that I'm still learning, & I still have four full months to do all that I can, & God is a God of second chances, & third, & fourth... What I love about God is that He never stops teaching us things, & showing us ways we can improve if we ask Him to. Which is a scary thought, because He usually shows us more than we want to see! But He only does it so we can change & become more like Him.
As I start looking towards college as it starts speeding up on its way to meet me in the middle, I'm thinking a ton about the future. Tomorrow our senior quotes are due. I've pretty much decided on one. It says "When we are full of hope, it's not because everything in the future is promised to us, but because the future itself is filled with promise." I have such excitement thinking about all that God has in store for my life. All the people I'm going to meet, all the things I can accomplish for Him, & hopefully all the lives I can make a difference in. I'm just so ready for May 28th so I can get out there & get started. I'm just feeling so blessed to have the opportunities God has given me right now that He's already shown, & so excited with anticipation for what's to come. This week for the first time all senior year long, I've felt drastically less stressed. This is due to a variety of reasons, one being that I turned in one of my largest papers Tuesday that is no longer hanging over my head, & now that I'm into my college I don't have to worry about choosing anymore. But also, I'm just so ready to get everything else finished, I'm finally just trying to get it done so I can move on. Most people at this point are wanting to stop working, which of course I do too, I won't lie, but I want to finish strong too. I truly believe that only God could have put these desires in my heart. This year has been THAT hard! But He's taught me so much & as hard as these past two years have been, I feel prepared for what's to come, & not just academically. These past two years have given me the basis to go do well in college & then go do well with whatever else He has on my life to-do list. Can't wait to start marking things off that don't end with School or University. But we'll take that as it comes.
I went tonight after aerobics class at church & visited my grandparent's graves. I hadn't been to the graves since Papa's funeral which was 4 years ago. I've never felt so close to them since they've been gone which was really special. But I was just thinking about their legacy that they left. I wish that everyone I talk to about them could understand how amazing they were. I was only twelve when Grandmama died, so honestly, sometimes I didn't. But after Grandmama (Jones) died & we lived with Papa for two years, I got to know him so well which was such a blessing to have that time. I'm just so grateful for the ways that they lived. All three of my grandparents loved Jesus so much & lived it. After losing Grandmama (Johnson) especially this year, it's been so weird to not be able to just call her. With the situation with her though, she had gone down and down for a while & I was already kind of used to not talking to her all the time, so sometimes I feel like she's still around & I should go see her. It feels like we're still stuck in that gradual decline that seemed to go on forever. But I'm just glad for their legacies that they all three left, & the memories. I definitely feel a pang whenever my friends talk about their grandparents or what their grandparents are getting them for graduation or whatever, but honestly, I'm so lucky & blessed to just have had the chance to know my own. Even if the time was fleeting, I learned so much from all three of them. There's no way possible to share what they were, but I know that it was Jesus that made the difference. Overall, I just miss them. But the amazing thing is knowing that I'll see them again. Isn't that awesome? I just hope and pray that when I die people will say the same things about me. I want a legacy that lasts long after I'm gone, & not just for people to miss me, but to know what a different Jesus made in my life. Without Him, I'm just Jessica. But with Him, "I can do all things..."
Enough ranting, tonight was a weird little mix of thoughts, forgive my scatterbrainness...I know that's not a word, not in that form anyway. Can't wait for this weekend to finally get a little break. I'm so excited to do some reading & even more excited to do some going out with my friends!
Life is good, & God is good. I'm so thankful for every step of this journey.
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